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My son passed away last year

10 replies

lovelane89 · 22/07/2018 12:04

My first child was born with kidney failure from the minute the consultant told me I got on with it .... when I look back I have no idea how I got through it .... the operations the dialysis the appointments the constant worry off infection risk ..... considering he was so poorly it hardly ever affected his moods he was so happy all the time his laugh was infectious and everyone adored him! I was so young wen I had him it was so overwhelming for seven years we worked towards a kidney transplant he had dialysis four days a week when he changed to hemo ... me and my mum shared the care off my son to give me a break ... I also have a 5 year old daughter.... my son had to have a very routine operation last July to have his gastronomy tube changed he has had this operation before with no problems .... the day off his operation the surgeon day don't even engage with me or my mum .... but hey it's a very busy famous London hospital.... I just let it go over my head and thought he will back in recovery in a hour or two ..... but something went terribly wrong and the surgeon punctured his gut causing sepis to fill his body I won't go into detail but he battled everyday until one day in September they told me there's nothing more they can do ..... eventually the sepis will go to his brain .... I had to make the most devastating decision off my life and end the care ..... the heartbreaking thing was he was awake for a short period before hand but heavily sedated all he wanted was the tube out off his mouth and to go home I put on his favourite film and got on to the bed with him until he fell asleep and I nodded to the nurse and she started to withdraw the care he was so sick wen she removed the blood pressure medicine his blood pressure dramatically dropped .... me my mum and the most amazing nurse stayed with him and cuddled him told him he was at home now and as soon as Shaun the sheep finished he peacefully passed away in my arms ..... the grieving was beyond words I felt so guilty I felt like a murderer for allowing them to turn his life support off ....his one year anniversary will be in September and seems so quick I can't believe it's already nearly been a year ..... my son was my best friend but he lives on in my daughter and I'm grateful for that ....... I live everyday like it's my last ... it's taught me to be open about how I feel and to appreciate absolutely everything in life .... now I only think bout the good memories I had with my son and it makes me smile .... I was proud to be his mum as he was such a loveable character ...... I just needed to write this ..

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 22/07/2018 12:12

Oh my, what a life your boy has had. Bet you never knew you could be so strong (my youngest boy has and had various medical issues but not on your level).
You are amazing and the love for your son is heart wrenching reading this.I

Have you got support and been able to use some of the fantastic charities to assist you and your daughter?
Sending love and hugs xxxxx

ParkheadParadise · 22/07/2018 12:29

Sorry for your loss
lovelane89
I'm glad you have lovely memories of your time with your son and got to spend that special time with himFlowers.
I know the pain of losing a child. Sometimes life is so unfair.

lovelane89 · 22/07/2018 12:56

My daughter school have been amazing with counselling etc and she is done my just fine and I went to the doctors and got support from them ...... I just feel sometimes I'm in this horrible club that no wants to be in ..... I never thought I would be able to get through a whole day without breaking down ..... but now as the days go on I get stronger and stronger.... thank you for your kind comments xxxx

OP posts:
martymc · 22/07/2018 19:26

You sound like the most incredible mother. It must have taken so much strength to do that for him, and to be there with him. I can feel the love you have for him.

Could you tell us his name? What did he like?

So sorry for your loss. Sending you love and strength. Thanks

Yogagirl123 · 22/07/2018 19:33

You sound like a fab mum OPFlowers. You made the best decision out of love for your DS. Anniversaries are always tough. Pleased your DD is getting the help she needs, I hope you are too OP and that you have some good friends in RL. So sorry for your loss. Sending you a big hug 🤗

lovelane89 · 22/07/2018 19:46

I don't really want to say his name because we are going through a court case against the hospital in August and I don't want to jeopardise anything if that makes sense ..... because I'm sure there's a lot off mums iv known through the years at hospital that use this site ...... he loved Shaun the sheep and he adored Thomas the tank engine ..... he had slight learning difficulties but he was incredible child ..... but the thing he loved the most in the whole world was me my mum and my dd and butterflies..... I miss him so much Sad.... but thank you for your lovely replies xxx

OP posts:
Atreus · 22/07/2018 20:00

He sounds like he was a wonderful young man...and you sound like an incredible mum to both him and your daughter.

TwitterQueen1 · 22/07/2018 20:08

I'm so sorry OP. Flowers But try to take consolation from the fact that you gave him the very best life that you could. That he loved you, that he knew he was loved and that he felt such happiness and pleasure in his short time. You gave him everything you could and you should try to take pride and pleasure in that. He didn't live long but he was blessed to have you as his mum and your DD as his sister.

martymc · 22/07/2018 20:30

I totally understand you not wanting to say his name. I'm sorry you have to fight these battles with the hospital too. That must be so hard, along with the utter grief of losing him Thanks

MrsMozart · 22/07/2018 20:37

I am so sorry.

I have no useful or wise words. I can only send you a hug and a handhold lass.

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