Seeing old photos

[AlexaAmbidextra]

My dad died two months ago. Today, for the first time ever, I was shown some photos of him as a boy. This has affected me in the strangest way as I can’t stop crying. I feel so sad looking at this twelve year old in his thick glasses and shabby clothes that were far too big as obviously hand me downs. I always knew he had a poor childhood but I’m sobbing at seeing the reality. I want to go back eighty odd years and just cuddle and look after this little boy and make his life better.

Hi OP

I lost someone very close to me in Jan this year and I struggle to look at photos of her even now. I have no words of wisdom as grief is very personal, however I truly believe our loved ones never truly leave us.

I'm sure your dad knows how much you love him and loves you even more back. How can love so powerful ever die? I don't think it can. Theresa Cheung's books helped me at my lowest ebb, I hope they can bring you some comfort too xx

I'm so sorry you lost your dad.

My dad was a bit older than yours and talked a lot about his past. Virtually everyone was poor - I know it doesn't make it better, but your dad was probably not comparing himself to anyone at all. Being poor was the norm. I hope he had a wealthier life as he grew up. It sounds as though he had a lovely family as an adult - I hope he did when he was young, too.

I lost my dad a few years ago and I have a few photos of him when he was a boy, he lost his dad when he was a young teen and worked hard to look after his mum. He too was quite poor and his clothes were typical of that era.
I feel sad seeing him as a boy as he is always smiling but I know he had a tough childhood and his dad wasn’t very nice to him. I look at the photos of him as a child and it’s strange to think that I was the one who sat with him before he died all those years later.
As sad as it is I think it’s important to look at photos even if they make you sad, the more you look and in time it gets easier. I have lots of photos of my dad at different eras of his life now around my house and I like to look at them every day.
I have a bracelet that I bought after my dad died that I wear every day, it’s like a constant reminder of him and brings me comfort.

Op I'm sorry you lost your Dad I lost mine 11 months ago.I think photos just evoke memories in us.I found the happy ones hard as Dad had been very I'll with swollen legs and face so seeing his former well groomed pics made me sad.
Others are right to say even if your Dad.was poor it doesn't mean he wasn't happy.Look after yourself xx

It's hard looking back. My dad died when he was 43. When I look at pics of him as a kid or a teen I can't help thinking, 'you had no idea what was coming, did you?' That makes me sad.

to you OP. It is really sad looking at old photos at the best of times, but extra sad when your loss is so recent and raw. I think grief comes out in random bursts in the months afterwards too, and it's so good to cry and let it out. Life is just very sad sometimes.

Thank you for all your kind words. I think what makes it harder is that I know he didn’t have a particularly happy childhood. However, I’ve looked at more recent photos and he had a good and comfortable life in later years. I was lucky to be able to nurse him at home through his final illness and felt so protective then and wanted to make it all better for him. Human nature when you love someone I guess.

I lost my dad 2 months ago too.

I feel the loss of him as my dad for me and my brother, as grandad to my kids and as husband to my stepmum. I also feel heartbroken for the young man he was, the teenager he was and for the child he was. I feel this acutely when I see photos of him throughout the years.

He had a life, he was alive, he was a real person who meant something to various people in different ways at various points in his life. That’s what I see in the photos. I imagine my grandparents’ joy when he was born, I imagine the trouble he got into as a boy/teenager. I imagine the hurt when my parents divorced and he thought he’d lose us. I imagine the happiness when he found love again with my stepmum.

And now he’s gone

But. He still means all those things to all those people whether they are still alive or not, and always will.

I’m sure your dad felt very loved by you op.

Alexa your post has brought a tear to my eye, that's really moving.

Your dad may have had an unhappy childhood, but created a child who loves him .

I think looking at photos will always stir some emotions.
my dad died 10 months ago and it still catches me in the heart when I look at his photo.( I keep one in the lounge next to fresh flowers.)
I feel I know his face so well, every line and crease.
Looking at old photos makes me realise that he was loved by lots of other people and he too loved lots of people. There are so many happy memories in those photos, but it's heartbreaking to think he's now gone.

I was also just thinking, I have boxes of photos but they sort of stop about 15 years ago. I'm guessing it's the same for a lot of people as we all have photos on our phones now. Bit sad really not to have an 'archive' as it were.

Sorry for your loss OP.

Yes, photos bring up the emotions don't they.

Your dads childhood in part would have made him into who he was. Your lovely dad.

My FIL has vascular dementia. He’s turned aggressive and can be pretty horrible to DH, his only child. He’s in hospital now then will be in care home. We took hundreds of photos from his house and laughed/cried at them. It’s so good to see him as he was and realise this is only a part of his life at the end.

Although not about dads, the screensaver on my 'puter is photos on a loop. I'll see a bit of my late DH and instantly minimise whatever I'
m working on to look at him.

echt that's lovely