Lost Dad - Suicide

[Abc23456]

Lost my dad to suicide just over a year ago and was pregnant at the time. Can’t accept that he’s gone forever and haven’t grieved as didn’t want to cause distress to baby back then and now don’t know how to grieve but i can’t move forward. I now have mental health problems and don’t know what to do next.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm a therapeutic counsellor and I'll urge you to see a bereavement counsellor asap.
Delaying it seemed right at the time but it doesn't go away.
Suicide it's so hard to come to terms as it feels selfish. People feel anger and sorrow at the same time.
Life it's so hard when we can't understand why a love one would take their own life.
For now I'll recommend a reflection on how it makes you feel. Allow yourself to grieve for what you lost. Think about how you can heal and if you can forgive him.
Shock it's a huge part of how you feel. A year isn't long to get over such a massive loss.

No advice, sorry for your loss

Thank you for your replies. I feel I am scared to open myself up to the grief now and so worried the impact it will have on my little person so am just floating day to day but realise I need to stop and sort this all out just scared to open myself up now.

I have no anger towards my dad all I feel is proud of him, proud of the battle he went through, proud of the amazing dad he was but just can’t accept that it’s forever

Cruse (a bereavement charity in the U.K.) has links to a number of support organisations

www.cruse.org.uk/traumatic-bereavement/suicide

Think of counseling or therapy like ripping off a poorly applied bandage and allowing a wound to heal. It's going to hurt, it's going to painful, you'll cry a lot and you'll wonder why you chose to let yourself feel so low and unhappy but I absolutely promise you that you will heal to a place where you can think of your dad with a sense of peace and acceptance, and when he comes into your mind it'll be the joyful, beloved memories you have of him and not with the pain and grief that comes now.
I know it's scary, but it's temporary. It's not going to last forever, but if you don't start the process now you will stay in this limbo and it'll keep bottling up and always be there under the surface. Think of yourself a year from now, try and imagine the peace you're going to feel. I'm so sorry about your dad.

My mum killed herself last month. I'm getting nowhere with the grieving process, but I just wanted to say you're not alone and I hope you can find your way through it. Our children are our lifeline during the trauma, they're our reason to stay normal, to carry on. But at some point we have to set everything aside and heal ourselves, to be the best mums we can be. Sending strength xx