Thinking about my son today

[moira123io]

My son was born sleeping almost 12 years ago. Was talking to a friend this week who in implied I was lucky he was part of multiples and I had his siblings to love. It didn't upset me at the time but it hasn't left my mind since. She hasn't suffered the devastation of losing a baby so maybe she doesn't know what harm she's causing. I just hate she thinks having other children means I can forget the one that is not here. Not sure what I'm looking for really,jJust feeling a sad and empty today

Love to all those who know what I'm feeling

💐

I can't imagine how you feel. I know love, I know loss, but not loss of a child. My heart goes out to you, remember your love always

So Sorry to hear this. That was a very insensitive thing for her to say. I've not lost a child but am here if you need to talk x

What was your son's name?

(Just flowers, because I don’t know what to say. Thinking of you at this time.)

Thank you. Just wanted to vent as I know it will upset husband if I bring it up. My son's name is Addison James after his grandfather, we would have called him AJ xx

I'm so so sorry you lost your darling AJ. Your friend was very insensitive indeed, and it is no wonder it has upset you. Be kind to yourself and let the feelings out, if you can.

My son was called Peter, he died when he was a week old. We've gone on to have more kids, both of whom are adults now. But yes, it always brought me up short when people said things like this. "Well, you've got these two now!" As if children are somehow interchangeable. You've lost one, so you just replace it. Even the midwife, at the point our next child was born, said something along these lines. It's such a bizarre way of thinking, isn't it?

It is a bizarre way of thinking.

This does make me feel sad. So because I don’t have any other children my loss is somehow worse? I think people just don’t know what to say my favourite phrase lately is it’s fine you will have children in the future like the loss of my baby doesn’t matter because as you say the baby is replaceable? I know people do not mean harm in what they say but I feel for us it’s better for them to just listen and say nothing at all. Sending my love to you and your family and it’s lovely that you still hold him in your heart and mind so strongly that is the true meaning of what it is to be a mother xxxxxx

I'm so sorry for your loss. Addison James is such a lovely name

So sorry for your loss, and the heartless comment. Addison is a fantastic name! He's so lucky to have such a caring mum

I love that name, Addison is beautiful.

So so sorry for your loss, there can be no greater tradegy than losing a baby.

I wonder if your friend was clumsily trying to offer you comfort. Obviously she got it wrong. We are human we get it wrong.

No child can possibly replace another.

Will light a candle for your baby tonight.

I’m so sorry moira, you chose a beautiful name for your son. I’m sure your friend didn’t mean to upset you but it is a horrible thing to imply, that you can simply replace one child with another. No wonder you are upset.

One of my twin daughters died when she was a baby and I lost count of the number of times people told me I should be grateful I still had one. Oh course I was grateful! But it didn’t take away the hurt of losing her sister who I loved just as dearly.

Sending you lots of love, it can still be so very painful, no matter how many years pass