having a wobble need a hand hold

[frogface69]

My DH died in January. Please can someone tell me it can get better. My heart is broken. I miss him terribly.

So sorry to see this frogface and I’m sure someone wiser will be along.

In the meantime, minute by minute and it will get better. Not the same as before but better in a different way.

Bump

Hand hold here too OP. Sounds like you're going to need some more hands, people on here are very good at hand holding. To echo a poster who's name I can't remember but who gave me some advice that has stayed with me -

The hole in your heart won't heal, you'll just learn to build your life around it.

Thankyou. I am having a difficult day. Actually exhausted more than anything. I can't sleep and when I do I dream about him.

Many for you, frogface

It is so soon; so raw.

I'm saying this when my DH died two years ago this week. It is horrible. My sleep is still poor, though I would love to dream of him. Sorry. I'm no comfort for you but this is how I feel, but it doesn't mean it has to be like this for you.

Things can get better but I don't imagine you ever don't miss them.

About you, would you like to say more about your DH? Are your dreams pleasant or distressing because he's in them?

Another hand hold from me, frogface

Thankyou, Echt my dreams are always the same, or maybe they are the only ones I remember ? I know he has died, but he is at home and no one realises only me. That is the scenario. I think I feel as though people think I should be better now. In fact someone said as much, though without actu ally meaning to deliberately hurt me.

Dh was ill for a long time. Couldn't walk, incontinent and alzheimers early stages.I cared for him and my reason to be here has gone. Poof.

Gah, posted too soon. I am thinking about you, echt😔

frogface I had dreams like that at first, where DH didn't know he was dead and DD and I were wondering whether to tell him. He was also not himself, rather sheepish and a bit dim - not at all the man in real life. Oddly, DD and I had very similar dreams. Objectively I can see they were our desire for him not to be dead, and weird as they were, I'd like to dream of him.

I'm sorry you've had someone thinking you should be better by now, however well meant. I wonder if it's because of your DH's long illness, the thought that you had time to "get used to it"? I don't think the nature of the death is a calibrating measure of grief, but it might have been at the back of their mind. Sheesh, the things people say.

Oh, echt that is exactly how my dreams are. How very strange. I also see him going to the corner shop, where before his mobility deteriorated he wasn't allowed to go on his own because he would be short-changed.
People have implied that it is a blessing he is gone, for both of us. Not so, he enjoyed his life despite everything and the caring wasn't nice for me, but I never resented it.
Thankyou so much for your kindness at a very sad time for you.

How grim you've had the "it's a blessing" stuff. Twenty-odd years ago my elder DB died of a long and one-way only disease. Someone said that to me too. I thought Fuck. Off. Only I get to even think that and you never get to say it. But I just shut up. Like your DH, my DB loved his life.

But frogfacet you know by now that part of the burden of bereavement is having to rise above your grief to make allowances for numpties.

Anyway, tonight I'm out with DD to have meal and raise our glasses to a fab dad and top DH.

Keep well.

I lost my daughter to cancer and honestly, it got worse a few months down the line. There is always a notion of a little better every day, but that's not how grief works (in my experience). It ebbs and flows. Life will never be the same, I find that it has changed now, there was this life before she died and this new life where I feel unsettled and there is a feeling that something is terribly wrong, all the time. There is, my beautiful daughter died.

The "good" news is that this doesn't mean I don't have happiness in my life, that the grief didn't change over time, it did. Did it become easier over the years, yes - but not overnight, it was very gradual.

I had a good support system and a family that has always not been nervous about talking about her casually, they miss her terribly too.

You will be ok, but you are very early on in the grieving process. Please don't give yourself a hard time, allow yourself to feel the loss - it is normal to feel bereaved, you are. It will get easier. 💐💐💐 hugs to you.

Having a bit better day. Yes, it all does ebb and flow, fiery. I am so sorry about your daughter. 😢
echt I hope you have a lovely evening. With happly memories. I will have one of these🍷with you
It's true that I am not the only one, and his passing could have been under far worse circumstances. And he wasn't my child. I havery a lot to be grateful for.
The world carries on turning, doesn't it?
😢

Having a bit better day. Yes, it all does ebb and flow, fiery. I am so sorry about your daughter. 😢
echt I hope you have a lovely evening. With happly memories. I will have one of these🍷with you
It's true that I am not the only one, and his passing could have been under far worse circumstances. And he wasn't my child. I havery a lot to be grateful for.
The world carries on turning, doesn't it?
😢

Having a bit better day. Yes, it all does ebb and flow, fiery. I am so sorry about your daughter. 😢
echt I hope you have a lovely evening. With happly memories. I will have one of these🍷with you
It's true that I am not the only one, and his passing could have been under far worse circumstances. And he wasn't my child. I havery a lot to be grateful for.
The world carries on turning, doesn't it?
😢

My husband died in February, was half expecting it but not that soon. Missing him so much. I am having good days, but then I feel guilty. I have screamed, cried and shouted on my own, sobbed in the shower, been angry at him for leaving me with everything to deal with. I am lucky, my family live near, but they have their own lives to live. I think, hope, it will get better. It felt worse, actually, when he was first diagnosed, thinking I might lose him and fearing the worst. Well, the worst has now happened and I just have to cope with it. My only consolation is that if I had gone first he would not have coped, as he had had a stroke as well as having cancer.

Proseccoagain