Sudden death of a sibling

[Diff16]

I lost my younger brother (42) in a sudden motorcycle accident in Asia 3 weeks ago. Still in shock. How do people cope and move on/live with it. It’s my darling son’s 15th birthday today, and his uncle would normally phone. No call today.
Feeling so heartbroken.

I just read this and wanted to reach out to you.
It's such early days yet and understandable that you're in shock after such a traumatic loss. Maybe at the moment all you can do is get through one day at a time. Maybe give Cruse bereavement care charity a call. They have a brilliant website and helpline and may be able to get you one to one help.

Thank you so much darjeelingtea. Appreciate your words. Such a good idea. I will contact them. People at work and friends so helpful.

I'm so sorry lass.

May he rest in peace.

So so sorry. I remember when my grandad died I kept wanting to pick up the phone and talk to him. People leave a huge hole and the emptiness can seem overwhelming.

My heart goes out to you. It’s cruel and nothing will make you get over it. You’ll just learn to accept it eventually in time.

My beautiful sister died suddenly and unexpectedly nearly 10 years ago. I miss her every day. She didn’t get to see me marry or meet my 2 daughters.

Go at your own pace. Remember him every way you can and grieve for him.

Sending you love and strength.

I'm so sorry for your loss. it's very early days, and you literally have to take one day at a time, break your day down so that it's like a tick box in your head (got up, dressed, eat, school/work - tick, morning routine to lunch - tick, etc it does help, keeping busy also helps. I used to do so much, just so I didn't have time to think. The phone was awful, I used to talk to my mum at least once a day, then there was nothing. Everytime I had news I went to the phone, and realised that she wasn't there.

. Sorry for your loss.
You will still be in shock, and presumably dealing with practical things.
I lost my sister totally unexpectedly and without any notice, 16 years ago. She was a little younger than your brother.
Of course it is heartbreaking. You will no doubt go through different stages of grief, including anger, but very gradually, over time, you will be able to focus on the good memories.

Would it help you to talk about him now ? Tell us a little about him if you want to ?

Thank you all. I so get that lou1221. Everytime there will be family news, I will want to reach for the phone....

He spent 15 years in Vietnam and had a wonderful life, 200 friends came to his church service in Vietnam before he was repatriated back home to us in Ireland. He had so many wonderful friends that have paid tribute to him. Teaching English was his career and he loved it. Miss him so much.

How truly awful. You have my sympathy. I lost my youngest brother then aged 20, 30 years ago, and I still miss him. In truth, the accident was on my mind every day for the first 3 years. I was thinking about him earlier today, too. The loss doesn't go away, you just somehow accommodate it. For some reason it was my mother's 60th birthday that came to mind today, as it was the last whole family occasion. Now there is always something missing. My husband never met him, and in some ways that makes it easier as we do not share that particular memory. He will never understand how much our son is like the uncle he never met, though.
As others have said do consider counselling and above all give yourself the time and space to grieve.

I have no advice. I lost my sister unexpectedly just over ten years ago. Time does make the pain less acute, but you never stop missing them, in my experience. Even now I get caught out - something will remind me and I'll tear up.

how are you feeling today Diff16? Hope you are ok

Same, sending you a hug.

OP I'm so sorry .

I lost my younger brother four years ago, it wasn't expected but we at least had a few days to prepare. It's spectacularly shit - just hang in there, and let what happens happen. Grief is like a sort of madness, but it really does get easier to manage over time. Now I can say that my brother's death is part of our history, but three weeks in I was in painful denial. I hear what you're saying about son's birthday - it's on special occasions when we don't hear from him, that I really see that he's left us.

Sending you massive hugs and condolences.
My brother died in a car accident when he was 27 and I was 24. It was 9 years ago now. It’s so bloody hard.
Take your time and grieve how you need to grieve.