Been "ok" for 2 months but now really struggling.

[WaxOnFeckOff]

Apologies, I've somehow managed to hide the parental bereavement thread and I can't get it back.

Anyone else managed to hold it together pretty much from the beginning and then struggled a lot later on?

I thought I'd dealt with things really well at the time but think I'm maybe paying the price, really missing my mum now.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
I was the same after my mum died. I held it together for everyone else for a few months. I don't feel I allowed myself to grieve properly for about 8 months when I lost my maternal grandma.
I had a few sessions of counselling, the lady described bereavement as coming in waves, and like a whirlpool where sometimes you are on the shore and others you are drawn into the middle.
It's completely normal to have a delayed reaction, just as it is also normal to struggle at the time.

I think it’s quite common to hold everything together at the beginning; there is so much to do. When that’s all done you have the time to grieve.

Thank you both. It was my birthday this week and DSs prom and then my friends DM died too and I guess it's all caught up on me and I feel that I still have to pretend i'm fine. DSs 18th coming up so I'm trying to sort out things for that. All I can think about is how we don't have mum around any more to share things with. DS looked so handsome in his suit and all I could think about was how my mum would have loved to see him. I think I just have to be kinder to myself.

Sorry for your loss.

My lovely mum died 3 years ago and it has only been in the last few months that I have been able to laugh naturally without making myself, without thinking that I should laughing as others around me are, if that makes sense.

I found/find that the hardest times are when my dc achieve something and I wish mum was here to share it and enjoy how lovely they are.

I have found that grief is like being in a storm at sea. The waves are huge to start with, and no break in betweeen. Then as time goes on the begin to ease with an occasional big wave that catches you unawares. Eventually it will become calm and like a pond again but then feels eerily calm and quite unnatural...

Thank you and sorry for everyone going through this.

This isn't my first major loss. My DB died 1998 and my Dad 2 years later. We also lost DHs parents and brother all in the space of a few years. This has really been our biggest since.

I was in a real state after my DB died, I've just never allowed myself to get in such a state again so I've bottled everything up I suppose.

I think it is the not being able to share stuff that's hard. That and feeling so gutted for my DSs that they have lost all their grandparents before they are adults.

My mum always gave a little extra to my two as they were her only grandchildren that didn't have anyone else. I have quite a large family and we all get on but we aren't "close" either geographically or otherwise.

I'm the same as you. DF died just over 18 months ago.
I didn't really deal with it then - I was too busy helping DM, trying to get on with life etc. I suppose I kind of buried it.
I've had a few crises since and it all surfaced again about a month ago, when I found I just couldn't carry on with the worries in my life (to do with a dc, my DM and work). I just had to stop for a while.
I got signed off from work for two weeks initially (and then for another week which didn't impact my job). Luckily, although appointments round here are like gold dust, I got to speak to a lovely gp who gave me antidepressants and a medication to help when I was feeling particularly anxious. (My worries and grief have come back as anxiety- sorry if you feel differently.)
They've really helped me. I'm still considering referring myself for counselling (where I live you can do that and get nhs help although you can wait a while).
Have a think about what might help - maybe you need to take some pressure off. I know I did.

Thank you. I'm glad you've managed to get support. I am reasonably quiet at work at the moment and we have a holiday coming up soon so apart from the bits still to organise, plus doing DSs 18th birthday stuff, we will all have a nice break. House is an absolute tip as we were spending a day every weekend travelling to see my DM in hospital for months and we both work so house took a back seat and only the basics got done. Now i'm struggling for motivation and energy but it's also stressing me a bit.

Sorry for your loss @WaxOnFeckOff

When dd1 died I was 7mths pregnant with Dd2. At the time i didn't grieve I actually couldn't believe what had happened. It wasn't until dd2 was born that I completely lost it. Eventually I got counselling which I found very painful but it did help.

Everyone deals with their grief differently. For me its nearly 3years since I lost my dd and I still have bad days sometimes.
It still early days for you and still very raw I would imagine.
Take Care.