Family members acting unreasonable

[Wuss2018]

Terminally ill husband. Some of his close family members are causing added stress. Incinuating I'm keeping something from them, that I want him dead, that their dog gets better care than what he's getting. Trying to get control of any decisions that need to be made. Obviously all of this is untrue. Husband knows some of this but not full extent. Wwyd- tell husband. My fear is this is only going to get worse.

So sorry for your situation, Wuss.

How are your DH's family making their views known to you? Plainly you're sharing information about your DH's health and progress, which any decent person would do with close relations. How are they expressing their desire to take control?

Sorry to be so inquisitive, but the mode of approach by the rels can often indicate the best solution. For you and your DH, not them.

I'm sorry that you're in this position. Having recently lost a relative suddenly, just focus on your DH. Let him know that he is loved and ignore everything else.

Oh Wuss, what a horrible situation. You just don't need this now. Whoever is giving you this information, I'd be inclined to tell them to back off, that you're stressed enough.

If it's gossip from a source, tell them you just don't want to know.

Nothing has been said to me directly but I have seen the text messages that have been sent to the mainly supportive family. They are not expressing anything that relates to the best interests of my husband they are more personal attacks on me. So one said that their dog was treated better than my husband. Another indicated that something is not quite right as one mins he's fine and the next he's ill. Questioning our finances making out I'm a money grabber (I've never taken a penny of my husbands money). All unfounded allegations. It winds me up that said family members are fine with DH, but as he doesn't know full extend if what's been said he's being made to looks a fool. Under normal circumstances he would obviously deal with it. These are family members that don't really know me so there is no reason or back story to personal attacks. They do not seem to think about the consequences as they are coming across as vile and who want to sit with them knowing what I know.

Yes I do share info about the main developments in his health. But i do not give them a min by min account as the nature of his illness is that he will be poorly so often. So for example if I've had to call an
Ambulance I wouldnt contact them straight away- I wait until we are in the hospital and we know what's going on . Obvs anything that becomes life critical they would be told immediately as there may be a need to get to the hospital.

The messages are not to you directly, so tell the well-meaning rels who are showing theses messages not to give you second-hand info. These people are not being helpful in relaying others' views.

Tell them, and it is them, that you don't want to hear the views of the wider family indirectly, and if there's anything to be said, the complainers need to do so straight to you.

A lot easier to say than to do, but it's the only way.

Thing is why are they coming out saying this?

I would be looking into who is feeding them these lies

I know who the ringleader is. They don't like the fact that they are not next of kin- they want to be the one that makes the decisions. But the decisions will be made by DH and me if he's not capable with our little families best interests in mind. They are very vile in their behaviour . They told DH that they had the money to send him abroad for treatment when they hadn't even looked into options or knew what the diagnosis was (there are no other options out of interest I had already looked into this). Turn out they didn't have the money and were organising fundraisers. Cruel and got a vulnerable feeling mans hopes up.

Seems like the vultures are circling already.