5 years today since DS2's dad committed suicide. In some ways it feels like yesterday. In other ways it feels like forever.
DS is now 5 (he was 5 months old when it happened) and goes through periods where he talks about daddy a lot and times when he doesn't mention him. I explained what dying means to him a little while ago and for the first time he understood that daddy isn't coming back. He sobbed and sobbed. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I still feel a mixture of sad and angry. And I still often struggle with being the only parent and solely responsible. I wouldn't swap DS for the world but he's hard work (he has SNs) and sometimes I'm desperate for a break. And I'm so scared of getting it wrong and screwing him up.
No real point to this. I just needed to get it all out.