Late term pregnancy losses/still birth

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Apologies as I'm not sure whether this is the right place to post this but I'm not sure where the most appropriate place is.

Almost 7 years ago I lost my boy/girl IVF twins to cervical incompetency late on in pregnancy and it was the worst day of my life. I got an infection after the waters broke on twin 1 so they had to induce and i really don't want to think about that day again.

Although i have two lovely children now (one IVF and one miracle baby that just happened) i still don't know how to start to get over the twins. Does it ever get better? Every year on their birthday i feel as bad as i did on the day i lost them and i feel guilty that i feel that way because if i had them i wouldn't have the kids i have now. When i hear the music we had at their funeral i cry and i just can't stop.

Am i abnormal? I know there's no pattern to grief but does it ever get any better? The children don't understand and i don't want to be sad Mummy and worry them all the time

Ah you poor soul.
I have a friend who still struggles with a stillbirth at 37 weeks.
This happened about 10 years ago.
But it was seven years into her bereavement when she hit a big, final wall and then finally, got over it(within reason). You never get over it, of course. We lost our little daughter at 26 weeks (so not as late) nearly 7 years ago and I'm ok now, but it took time.

I find age helps. I am 46 now, as is my friend. And we're both making peace with the fact that we're out of the baby-making game. There's an odd relief that comes with this. I think my body is no longer in the 'let's try for a baby' place, so there's no broodiness, no urge, no niggling of 'just one more for the road'. And this has helped with my own loss years ago.
My friend went into an early menopause at 40 which threw her over the edge in this respect. She was still in the baby-making place and to be hurled out of it at speed while grieving for her stillborn baby was just too much for her to cope with.

Have you had therapy or been in contact with SANDS at any point?
You lost two full-term children. That's a mountain to climb, OP. That's so, so tough and so tragic.

Hi op, I am so sorry for your loss and from my experience, I don’t think you are abnormal at all. I lost my first ds late in pregnancy almost 8 years ago now and every year around his birthday I seem to go through a bad patch where I feel quite down and generally struggle. Day to day I am fine and feel like I have come to terms with things but reminders like his birthday etc just remind me of the intense pain I felt and that is hard to deal with. Sometimes I feel guilty because I can’t deal with thinking about it and block it out, that makes me think I am blocking him out though. It’s tough and I think to some degree it never goes away completely.