Grief

[Cobblersandhogwash]

My brother lost his wife. She was 51.

Two children aged 19 and 17.

It's been a month. Funeral last week.

They're all very self contained. I call my brother two or three times a week. He does get upset but he's controlled.

It's early days. I'm worried how they're all coping.

I'm very happy to listen. I'm very happy to visit and go out.

But what other support do they need? The 17 year has asked for counselling. There's a six week wait but she'll get it.

I'm worried they'll have a tsunami of grief and pain and overwhelming misery.

Advice would be greatly appreciated.

They're probably having those tsunamis often, quietly and alone while putting their game faces for the world. And that's fine, it's what most of us do. I honestly think all you can do is what you're doing, just be there. And allow yourself to grieve too, your loss is different but just as valid. 💐

My brother says he isn't. He feels numb.

The 17 year has the odd wobble. But never talks about it. Doesn't want to talk about.

Their mum died at home in their arms. God. It makes me want to howl with grief for them.

I know I can't make anything better for them but I want to so badly. It must be so painful for them.

If the 17 year old doesn't want to talk about it, don't.
You can't interfere, you can only be there if and when they ask for support.
You can't take the grief away, they need to go through this in their own way.

I know. 😔

Lots of love to you. It is so hard seeing your loved ones in pain and not being able to make it better. You are doing all the 'right ' things. I hope you have support around you too.

You're doing all you can and they know you're there for them which at some stage they will recognise and be grateful for the support. Each has their own way, my brother has carried on pretty much as normal but does talk to me and tell me that in his quiet moments has broken down.

I hope you have someone to support you also it can't be easy watching those you love feel such pain.

When I lost my DD when she was 5 I never had any great outpouring of grief. I don't when anyone dies and I find it hard when people are in foods of tears openly all around me. I did cry But it it was just a quiet trickle from time to time. It took me lots of counselling to understand this is just my way. I am just very self contained. Don't think you DB is not grieving. He will be doing it his way. Just be there for him if he needs you.

Lots of useful information and links to support here:

www.winstonswish.org/

It sounds like you’re doing everything you can do OP, and they will know that you care.

When Mum died, nobody knew what I needed, I didn’t know what I needed tbh. But a good friend was there the day I broke, and DP and BIL scooped me up off the floor more than once. Just knowing they were all there made a difference and offered comfort at a time when it all seemed very bleak.

I’m very sorry for your loss. Is there anyone supporting you? You are grieving too