Sorting out possessions after a loss

[Lamazedragon]

My lovely mum passed away in september. She left behind a huge number of items. She was a bit of a hoarder with all sorts of collections and craft supplies, and had health problems for many years, so her things are in a bit of a muddle.

My Dad will continue to live in the house for the foreseeable future so there is not a huge rush to sort it all out, but my Dad does want to get it done. We've made small amounts of progress over the past 7 months and have sorted all the clothes and a few other things.

I am finding it hard to get time to spend sorting through things as I have a clingy 1 year old. I went there for a couple of hours today leaving 1yo with OH but apparently 1yo was unhappy the whole time.

When I am there I am struggling to know what to do with things. None of the items are valuable, all seem to be sentimental in some way. I have a really small home and can't take too much home with me. Passing it on is also difficult though. The whole thing is heart breaking.

I am not sure what the aim of my post is really, perhaps to ask if anyone has any tips on tackling a mountain of stuff in this terribly sad situation?

Thanks.

My Mum died 5 years ago, ( father already passed ) As an only child it was left to me to sort and clear the house prior to selling. Your father is still alive so really he should be playing a big roll on deciding what to keep it dispose of.
But if he is leaving up to you I'd suggest doing it like this.
Clothes to charity shop ( you say they have already been sorted )
Jewellery to female relatives
Personal nick nacks( if father has no interest) Sort a few personal mementos to family members the rest off to charity shop.
Craft items - donate to local hospice, or age concern day centres
Obviously there will be a fair bit of stuff that is past being passed onto charity shops - just be brave and throw away knowing your mum has had her pleasure from the items.
If you are having problems by getting rid of stuff, just imagine your Mum being proud of you for being able to do this and in the long-term a great help to your Dad.
I cleared my Mum/ Dads house , they never moved and it was also my childhood home. I'll admit to having a few ornaments about my house that personally I'd of not chosen for myself and also too much stored in my attic but in a year or two you will be proud of yourself for having the strength to do it. With regard to your little one-off could you let her occupy herself in the room your working in for awhile, as the house isn't going on the market their is no great rush.

A few typos in that post ! Apologies.

I’m sorry about your mum. You say your dad doesn’t want to sort out his late wife’s belongings and I can understand that. Is it really necessary for you to do it now, especially as you have a small child?

Sorry for your loss . Been through similar and know how difficult it can be. Please be gentle on yourself.
Couple of things stand out from your op:
Your child may well be 'clingy' but your OH (presume his daddy?) should be capable of caring for him for more than a couple of hours.
Your father needs also to take some responsibility for helping to sort your Mum's things out, not just expect you to.
Is there a spare room where the majority of the belongings could be stored, therefore 'out of sight/out of mind, for a while, until you have more time, your child is less clingy, and the emotional hurting is less acute?
Have you any friends that could be roped in to help? It would help you with the physical work of sorting and clearing stuff and also give you some emotional support.
Could you take your child with you for a hour, put some of the stuff into a box, then take it home and sort at your leisure? And repeat this until the bulk of the stuff is sorted?

Thanks for the replies. I would have preferred to wait a while before taking this on, it was a bit too soon for me emotionally and my baby is so little, and in a bad phase of separation anxiety. My Dad is wanting to do it though and as he is having to live amongst the stuff I can understand him wanting to do it now. I know he is finding it hard and also he is wanting my opinion on things before passing them on incase I want anything.

Good tips thank you. I have taken a few things home to look at. I'll keep plodding on.

Could you perhaps give some of the craft supplies to a local hospice day unit or something like that so that someone else can benefit from them, then you would feel like they were being put to good use.

why don't you start by just removing things that are of no use to anyone else used toiletries, any clothes left, books that no-one wants or already has, surplus kitchen stuff like if your mother was a baker but your father isn't no point in having muffins tins etc also any half finished knitting sewing projects

put the rest in boxes LABELLED ie

1. paperwork official ( as this should be kept for a couple of years at least
2. Old photos try and get your dad to write on the back in pencil who they all are make sure you find stuff like their wedding photos etc
3. sentimental things not ready to sort yet ie personal correspondence old diaries old birthday cards etc
4. craft supplies to donate ( some if still intact could be sold
5. things that might have some value and could be sold on ebay gumtree

6 keep collections together there are others that collect unusual stuff

1. jewellery valuables that you will definitely want to keep

just leave the hard to do stuff in labelled boxes for another few months and tackle it again getting it down to fewer boxes

I feel your pain my mother in law was a hoarder there were boxes and boxes and boxes all labelled but mostly wrongly labelled hence the LABELLING in capitals I still have 42 boxes of better stuff/ antiques / vintage to make final decisions on but there were over 200 boxes all jumbled up real silver with woolworths potato peeler and some used hankies, victorian antique teapots with swan ornaments that even oxfam wouldn't want etc

OH needs to start managing your DC even if they are clingy they should manage for a morning/ afternoon

My tip is to label a box "photos" and stick them in there as you come across them - without looking at them. There will be time for that another day, you can lose hours to looking at them and time is precious.

I also found it helpful to think of it in terms of moving house, we hadn't moved for close to thirty years and I'm sure that if we had been moving now my husband would have been sending the very same things to the charity shop/saleroom/dustbin. I felt better about throwing all the nearly empty paintpots away knowing that he would have thrown them too.

You are helping your dad with this, not the other way around. You don't have to take stuff home and store it, if he doesn't want to let stuff go then he gets to live with it, it's his choice. Sending it home with you is not an option unless that is what you want. My mother's idea of decluttering is to send things to me but that's not happening.