Going backwards

[123whatsmyusername]

Seven weeks ago today, DH and I ended my pregnancy at 19 weeks due to a condition which would have left our daughter with zero quality of life. We only found out about her condition a few days prior. The saddest part of all is that she actually lived for four hours.
I went back to work after a week and a half, which I now realise was too soon. I’m seeing a lovely counsellor and taking steps to find a new ‘normal’, whatever that is. However, I feel like I’m going backwards. I’m supposed to be meeting friends for lunch in a couple of hours and I just can’t face it. All I want to do is sit at home and cry. I genuinely feel like things are getting worse, not better. Does anybody else feel the same?

I hope someone will come along with some sensible words. I didn’t want to read and run

I'm so sorry 123, what a difficult time it must be .

It doesn't sound as though you're going backwards, but rather that you're actually starting to feel things that were perhaps too difficult to feel a couple of weeks back. Does that sound right? if so, it's progress. Grief reveals itself gradually, in non-linear ways, in my experience at least.

Did you go to the lunch OP? Are your friends supportive so that you could talk to them?

Bodear I did go to the lunch and I’m so glad I did. I mentioned how I was feeling to my friends and they were so lovely about it - they’re great.
Poudrenez I think you’ve hit the nail on the head there. I don’t think I let myself feel things as I was so focused on making a physical recovery and official things like birth and death certificates, etc. I’m almost 29 and am lucky that I haven’t had to grieve yet so it’s all so new to me. Thanks for your replies.

I'm glad your friends were supportive you seem to be expecting an awful lot of yourself. Grief is tough, really tough, be kind to yourself.

I’m really pleased you spoke to your friends. Keep talking to them; they sound lovely xx