Please can you share advice for bereaved mum card?

[facelessvongorgeous]

A very old acquaintance of mine has lost her first born, newborn baby.

I have known her for years and had a good relationship but weren't friends and I want to send a card but need help with what is appropriate to write in it.

As the baby was newborn I feel like I should congratulate her on the birth, but the baby died very soon after birth unexpectedly - if you are able to share any thoughts on this I'd appreciate it.

I lost a sister while we were both teenagers and love people using her name but don't want to project my experience of loss on to my acquaintance. Maybe I'm over thinking and should keep it short?

Have a look for 'empathy cards' I think they are quite good

Avoid poems or glib statements. I’d just go for how sorry you are to hear of the loss

I think it’s lovely to say how gorgeous the baby’s name is. Perhaps say you’d love to hear later how they chose it. (Later on down the line, if it feels right, perhaps you could ask to see a photo)?
For them to know you are thinking about them, and holding them and their baby in your heart, is probably enough. Maybe you could get in touch again in a few weeks and ask if you could go and see your friend, or if she’d like to go for a drive with you or something. The friends that keep checking, and keep showing they remember are rare and very special.
There’s a good chance they will keep all the cards sent, so it will be special for them.
You sound lovely, your friend will need you soon.

Sorry, have just reread that your acquaintances, not friends.

I have friends who lost a child, i can only tell you how they have felt and handled it. They appreciated any and all expressions of empathy/sympathy, they wanted to talk about their child, they want people to remember him with them even though he was not alive for very long and never got to come home. While expressing sorrow and sympathy, don’t feel like you can’t also express how beautiful he was and how much you love his name and how proud she must have been to have him even for that time.

What i would say is, it’s not so much what happens here and now in the immediate aftershock as your friend will be receiving many many offers of help and sympathy at this time - it’s in the months and years to come because she will (obviously) still feel the loss and want to talk about her baby and remember him and use his name and hear others use it, but that is exactly when people stop mentioning it, or mistakenly assume that she’ll want to forget it/it’s too upsetting etc. What people tend to want most of all is someone who won’t shy away from remembering their child with them, now and in the years to come.

Thank you everyone, that has all really helped. Although we're not close I would like to maintain our good relationship into the future and don't want her to feel like I'm encroaching on her life inappropriately. I think something sincere rather than trying to "get it" is the way forward, because I cannot possibly know the pain of losing a child.

I'll take on board marking it in the future.

You lot are bloody lovely

All of the above, but not a card. Send a letter, its is far more meaningful because of the trouble it takes. Donate to SANDS and make it part of the letter.