This time last year

[Unmanned]

I was sitting with my lovely mum on her last night in this world. She’d been suffering with COPD for years and despite many close calls outdid all expectations. In January the district nurse had given her a couple of weeks but she fought to the end bless her.

I’d been fortunate enough to be able to be with her 24/7 for her last few months and oh my god did she drive me mad sometimes! Stubborn, wilful and sometimes downright narky!

Towards the end the nurses and I were almost wishing for her to pass as harsh as that sounds 😢. She had always been a very proud lady, dignified and always dressed beautifully but towards the end she was bedridden, having to have “personal care” etc and she was so upset by this.

She passed very quietly at 6am 25/04/2017 with myself and her best friend by her side. An absolute privilege but oh bloody hell do I miss her 😢

A month and 3 days later my darling partner also passed most unexpectedly so I’ve got that ‘first’ to come next month.

I’m trying my best to keep upbeat and strong but struggling tonight 😞

I'm so sorry you had two such sad losses so close together
It sounds like you were a wonderful daughter to your mum. Take care x

Oh unmanned. No words but a huge hug, lots of 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺and some if it helps.

I’m so sorry for your losses.

Wow OP, what huge losses. I’m so sorry. I lost my mum not long before you, and like yours my mum really did my head in sometimes! But now that she’s gone I barely even remember that. I’m not idealizing the relationship we had, but I take comfort in the fact that on balance we actually did have an incredibly strong relationship. She was my best friend. It does get easier with time but the one year anniversary is hard.

Thank you all xx it’s been a roller coaster of a year. I’ve had to be so focused to get things on an even-ish keel. Had to sort mum’s will etc as brother and sister live abroad (didn’t even come for the funeral), sell the property and sort out all her belongings whilst trying to find somewhere to live myself as once my partner died all financial support stopped thanks to his family! Honestly you couldn’t make it up!

Had to find a job asap which thankfully I did (buried partner on the Friday started new job following Wednesday). I think being so busy has been masking my grief to an extent and now things are settling down and it’s the first anniversaries it’s starting to hit me 😞

Sorry to whinge x

Doesn't sound like whingeing to me. That's an awful lot to cope with in one year. Be kind to yourself. Seek support in whatever way suits you. Don't feel that you should feel bad that it's just hitting now. It sounds like you've been strong and busy- but the grief is there nonetheless.

Unmanned you have had to deal with so much. Do you think that bereavement counselling might help? And do not apologise for whingeing. Lots of wisdom on here but you might find rl help useful too. 🌺🌺🌺🌺

I tried to contact cruse several times but had no response. I also looked into private but the only ones round my area only seem to be during work hours 😔

I cope most of the time and I have two wonderful grown up daughters but they have their own grief (both very close to their Nan) and also their own lives and families.

I’ll be ok it’s just tonight it’s got to me - no one to talk to so offloading on you poor lot!

Thank you all for your posts it really helps 💐💐

Hope you are feeling better today.... please keep looking for counselling help- does your local hospice offer it? 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

Thank you 💐 not been as tough as I thought was busy at work and then one of my fab daughters cooked a great meal for us with my mums best friend this evening. G&Ts were drunk in mums honour and we managed some lovely memories xx

Awww.🌺🌺🌺🌺

0p quite often its the lead up to important dates that are harder than the actual day itself. For me, one year it was my dds birthday were i wanted the earth to swallow me but her anniversary i was fine, and the next year it switched round. As for counselling your drs should have a self referal service, cruse are very busy, they have closed their lists for children where i live. Im very sorry for your loss. Xx

You aren't whinging OP.
Anniversaries are so, so hard.
I am into the second year since losing my son. I am dreading the second anniversary. It just makes it more real and reinforces the fact that he is gone.
I miss him so much.
I am so sorry for your losses.

Thank you all 💐

Phillipa12 and Endofthelinefinally my heart goes out to you both, my losses are nothing in comparison to yours to lose a child is something I can’t comprehend 😔 your strength is amazing x