my fiance passed away suddenly

[poppyinbloom]

My fiance passed away and he was in his mid 20s. It has been a little over two months at this point. I don't have a supportive family or any very close friends and this has been a very lonely time. My fiance was my world - my best friend, my support, my love, and we were planning to get married in May and start a family right away.

There are other details that make it even more complicated. Things like his family reading our private emails, texts. His family was emotionally abusive to him (I witnessed it) and physically abusive to him when he was growing up. I'm feeling so many different emotions. I never got to mourn him as they spread his ashes without me and held a small memorial and didn't tell me about it. I'm devastated and lost. It's like one minute he was here and the next he vanished. We live in different countries. I was going to relocate there next month. All my life plans have come to a screeching halt. I don't know what to do with myself now or where to go now. My life feels like total darkness. There's nothing left to look forward to. I feel guilt that I'm still here and his life was cut short. He died in a car accident. He was driving.. I'm scared to post too many details in case one of his family finds this post. I'm just really lost. I don't know how to keep going. I've basically been my only support. I've just been taking long walks by the sea and journaling. I went to a grief counsellor for a couple sessions but she was really awful for a a number of reasons and should probably retire. I've had some hurtful comments made to me by "friends"/family members who really don't get it. They may mean well, but nobody in my immediate life has ever experienced what I am going through.

I’m sorry; this is heart-breaking. You need to find another counsellor.💐

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Life is so desperately cruel sometimes. Have you got in touch with any bereavement charities? There are lots of useful resources on the widowed and young website which might help you a bit. Take things one day at a time- there's no textbook way to grieve and it's still very early days. I think a new counsellor would be really good to help you process your emotions.

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know your personal circumstances, but I would look up support for young widows, therefore those around you will try to understand, night they can't. I had friends who were widowed early who advised the support groups helped them immensely . Good luck honey c

Thank you for the kind words. This has been the worst time of my life an honestly a nightmare. He was so young, healthy, and strong. I can't believe his life was cut short just like that. I never got any closure because I never got to see his body at the time of his death and his family spread his ashes and didnt even tell me until after they did it. He lived in another country. My visa had run out and I was going to be going back. Next month was going to be the month of my wedding. I should be preparing for my wedding right now, but instead I just cry and spend my days depressed..

It feels like he just vanished off the face of the earth. I really feel lost most days and don't know what to do with myself. I thought I was going to his wife. We were planning a family. Now I have no idea what my life is going to consist of but it feels pointless and I have survivor's guilt. I feel guilt for being alive when his life was cut short. And i was a little older than him.

Oh bless you. What an horrific time for you.

Could you plan a spacial goodbye of your own? Is there any chance that you could visit the site of the accident and lay flowers, or go to a place that was special to you both, play a special song and release balloons? You need to say goodbye properly somehow. . . .

You also need to give yourself some time to mourn and cry . Tbats a very important part of grief. Your sadness hurts, almost tangibly, but it also speaks of the love you shared.

Building a new life for you will take time, and energy, and it will be hard at first, but your fiance would want you to go on. You will have a long and wonderful life ahead and can live it for you both. But not yet. Take time to grieve, to say goodbye, and to look after yourself too first. It will be at least a year.

Finally you say that your fiance was abused. Maybe you could look into charities working with abused children to see if you could volunteer for or support them. It would be a lovely way of remembering and honouring him.

I am so sorry xxx

Poppy I'm so sorry that you've lost your fiance, and that his family are behaving so badly. Would it help if you conducted your own ceremony for him? It could be anything, planting something, playing some songs you both liked etc. Just because you've been excluded by them doesn't mean you can't mourn him.

They may have his ashes, but you two had so much more when you were together.

There's nothing left to look forward to - in time this will get easier, and you will create new happiness for yourself. Hang in there.

So sorry for your loss, sending virtual hugs

So so sorry. Also lost my partner a few days ago and feeling much the same way you are - completely and utterly lost.

We'll both be ok, eventually. But it's going to take a long time x