Hi Everyone,
Long time lurker, first time poster. I need to make a decision regarding whether to visit my DF for the last time before he passes and I would appreciate any advice that your lovely community may be able to provide. Be prepared it may be long as to avoid drip feeding!
I will try to give some backstory, which is quite complicated and messy. To start with my parent’s divorced when I was 13 due to my mothers bio-polar type 11 disorder and my father’s indiscretions. After they had decided to divorce for the final time, I was used as a pawn by DF in order to be granted more assets and better settlement.
Straight after the divorce, DF turned to alcohol, left cooking, cleaning and shopping up to me. I tried my best to support him, however a new love interest appeared, who I will call Bish. For background, Bish was from another country, with a son and elderly mother, she was temperamental to say the least and quite possessive of DF.
The relationship progressed at light speed pace, engaged in less than 6 months post divorce. I was upset one night after hearing them make love and the next day mentioned this to my father. He then pulled a knife to my neck whilst drunk and threatened me. After this I moved out and bounced between my sisters and my mothers until I stood up on my own at eighteen.
There was years of quite a strained relationship between DF and myself after this and he was never admitted that he pulled the knife on me. Biss has always been jealous and possessive of DF time and has created conflict between DF and his family. For instance she didn’t include myself or my sister in the wedding at all, we were relegated to the back of the reception and during her speech mentioned that it was “too late”
. She tried to convince DF that DSis was a hypochondriac, DF couldn’t spend time with anyone else and questioned whether Dsis suicide attempt was legitimate etc.
After really trying to build a relationship with her whilst I temporarily lived with them when 24, (She tried to refuse this), she then started bullying me online once I left via a fake account. I then told DF, who refused to believe me. Due to DF always taking her side, previous trauma and not prioritising our relationship, I chose not to invite him to my wedding.
He was obviously upset and we didn’t talk for a couple of years, until he had a stage five, terminal cancer diagnosis. I then tried to be there for him and spent the next six months visiting (via plane) to try a make amend and help out. Biss seemed open to mending bridges however she sent me an email in which she blamed DF’s cancer on me and abusing me for not inviting DF to my wedding.
Since then she hates me again and makes everything about herself. She tried to stop me visiting DF in hospital and almost divorced DF due to my visit. Because of her antics I decided that it’s best for DF health (as he is bitterly upset when she threaten’s to leave him) that I don’t visit and just call and let him know I love him and will be there the moment he asks.
He was only days left and hasn’t asked for me. What would you do?