Anyone else felt like this?

[bkiy]

I was close to my mum. I didn't see her every day and we bickered and argued but I feel like she was possibly the only person I could truly be myself around. We talked every day and even though towards the end of her life she was too immobile to do anything physically for me she still helped me out when I was short of money or knew when something was bothering me. I'm 36 and we spoke every day on the phone.

She passed away 5 weeks ago and I feel so strange. It's not so much the sadness and missing her. That I can deal with. But I feel a little bit weird, that's the only way to describe it. Even though I have my husband, dad, brothers and friends I feel incredibly lonely and that I don't have anyone I can fully be like that with. It's like a shift in the universe and I don't know why I feel like this, as I say I didn't see my mum every day and I didn't even live in the same country for 5 years.

It's a really unsettling feeling, like I can't trust anyone to 100% have my best interests at heart and be there for me no matter what like I did her. I am finding it hard to cope with and feeling quite disconnected and depressed. Just wondered
If anyone felt anything similar,
I know it all depends on your other relationships. I don't really have any close female friends anymore which probably doesn't help.

I lost my mum when I was 11.
When you have a mum you ‘belong’ to someone,no matter what your age or lifestyle mum is the person who grew you.
It’s a weird feeling of not belonging anymore a shift in your emotional status.
You kind of forever have a mum shaped hole in your heart that gets patched over time with other love a bit like a stained glass window - a chunk of colour for a child a chunk of colour for animal a chunk of colour for the happy memories of a holiday etc etc but the sunshine’s through and you always have little chunks of emptiness that were mum and no other glass quite fits xx
Wishing you well on the sad part of getting used to life without your mum x

I lost my lovely Mum nearly 3 years ago, while you do get used to it, the Mum shaped hole in your heart never really heals. We'll always be little girls missing our Mum, although it does get easier.
What I miss the most is, the 100% trust in my Mum, she was always right with advice. If I was ever unsure about a new haircut or whether I should treat myself to that new dress, Mum always had the last word, she knew best. If Mum liked the dress then I bought it. Didn't matter what anyone else said, Mum would be completely honest, I really, really miss that.

Sending hugs OP, you'll find a way through it

I lost my mum 4 years ago.... I'd love to say it gets easier ...but it doesn't really. Sometimes I just need a quick call.... It's this okay ??? What should I wear? Can I still eat this? I feel sad and no one understands me like you!!?

I'm sorry XXX for the first 18 months I just imagined she was holiday...I'm about to start some counselling as I've not really coming to terms with it!!!

This is perfectly normal.

You are slowly, very slowly, shifting your axis to find a new 'normal' with Mum not in your day to day physical life.

Take it steady, breathe deeply a lot and drink lots of water.

Time doesn't heal but it does help you refigure the new normal and assimilate the hole xxx

Lots of love

My Mum loved me even though I am average. Now she is gone I have lost my anchor, my guide, my supporter, my cheerleader and one of the kindest people who walked the Earth.

It is just like you describe. The Universe has shifted.

*LittleEnd
*
You've summed it up perfectly, my Mum was my anchor

I've felt the same since my mum died 4 years ago. We spoke every day and sometimes we'd bicker and argue over things, especially when I was a teen, but no matter how big the argument had been I knew she'd always be there if I needed her. It didn't matter how far I moved, what I'd done, if everything was going great or came crashing down I'd always have a safe place to go back to where I was loved unconditionally and there was someone to help keep me together. Now I don't have that. I have my dad, my husband, my kids but it's different.

The crushing pain and grief has got easier but that feeling of no longer having that safe base to go back to never gets easier. Everything has changed and I still haven't got used to my new normal, I don't know if I ever will.

I don't think we will. My Mum missed her mother too.

We were lucky to have such wonderful mothers.