Headstones for widowers who remarried

[dressagediva1]

Bit of family history... My grandfather passed away many years before I was born and my Grandma remarried. She passed away in 2013 and wanted to be buried with her first husband (she never had children with her second husband). Her second husband was fine with this so that's what we did. We haven't yet gotten around to having her added to the headstone of her first husband. Her second husband has recently passed away (he will be scattered in Ireland where he spent much of his time). We decided to get a new headstone for my Grandparents with the original words that my Grandma chose for her first husband and then our own words about my Grandma. As she was with her second husband longer, we thought it only right to mention him in some way on the headstone - but how do people do this tastefully? We were thinking along the lines of "Ann, also beloved wife of William, Mother to ..... and Grandma...." or similar.

Does anyone else have experience of this and what did you write?

Many thanks!

Oh no...you don't mention the second husband at all. She and her second husband had an agreement that she was to be buried with her first husband and that's clear.

To add the name of someone (however loved) who was scattered in Ireland is inappropriate.

I don't think that your Grandmothers second husbands name should be put onto the headstone, much as you think it would be a nice thing to do.Your Gran had wanted to be with her first husband so perhaps leave it as just that, without another husbands name on the headstone.

You could put both her married names down
Ann Smith O'Donnell nee Jones
Mother of Dressagediva Smith etc

I agree, use both her names but otherwise leave it alone. This is what they all wanted. Don't mess with it after the fact. It comes across as a bit arrogant although it's obvious you are being loving. You don't know them better than they did however much you (clearly) care for them all.

Really like yabasic’s idea!!

I do a fair bit of family history, but can't remember seeing a headstone with this identical set-up.

I think the following might tick your boxes while also being informative rather than confusing to later readers.

[inscription for first husband]
"Also his beloved wife, Ann dates
(Afterwards wife of Second Husband)
Mother of Dressage Diva,
etc"

Mind you, on inscriptions I've seen it's not usual to name children and grandchildren until they too have passed on. Memorials usually read:
"In loving memory of
Person 1 DATES
And also their beloved Spouse dates
And also their Son/Daughter 1 dates
And also their Son/Daughter 2 dates"

Typical example here: images.findagrave.com/photos/2016/257/169945610_1473916456.jpg

But obviously up to you.

I personally wouldn't. However, I think if it is something you feel you and your family would like to do then you could.

I would possibly not write 'and also loving wife (2nd husbands name)
I think you could possibly say something along the lines of 'and deeply missed by (2nd husbands name)
Is that an option?

You will have trouble finding anyone with "personal experience" on this, as the vast majority will think, quite rightly, that it is inappropriate so in the event did not proceed with it.

So the gravestone already says
John Smith, beloved husband and father, dates

Also Anne Smith, his loving wife, dates
Beloved mother and grandmother
And with kindest memories of her second husband William Jones, dates

Something like that? I think you'd need "William"'s family's permission to include his name and dates.

So OP had a hissy fit because she didn't like the advice. I wouldn't bother reasoning with someone like that.

Skippykips, I like your suggestion of "deeply missed by" and Old Birdy's suggestion, this is exactly the sort of thing I am looking for so thank you for that!

Ajas lipstick - I am sorry but at the end of the day, I won't tolerate people telling me that I am "arrogant" for making the decision with my family, to honour my Grandma's relationship. I get that people are entitled to have an opinion - but when it's a bereavement thread, let's just stick to the question that has been asked and keep other opinions to ourselves. Luckily, I am confident enough in our decision to be able to stick to my guns, but there are others out there who may be more vulnerable, especially when we have lost 2 important people in our lives in just a few years. That decision was made between my whole family. This is a bereavement thread so I really do not think the judgy comments were appropriate from most of the people who commented.

Old birdy - have already gained their permission, which is fab. Thankfully, they also agree that this is something that my Grandma and their Dad would have wanted, which is one of the reasons why we are so solid in our decision to go ahead with this.