Don’t know what to say to OH

[FineAsWeAre]

My OH’s beloved grandma is dying. He’s not coping well and I’m worried about him and don’t know how to help him. His grandad died a few years ago and while he was obviously devastated, he cried twice, seemed a bit quiet for a few weeks while he processed it and grieved and that was kind of it. This time he’s going through phases of uncontrollable sobbing, refusing to talk about it and just being generally disinterested in everything. We’ve been going through a rough patch the last few months but I’m trying to support him as much as possible. He just doesn’t seem to be able to cope with it and he’s usually so strong and not very emotional. I don’t know what to do or say.

I think it is just about being available if and when he wants to talk, or to cry, or to rant (there is usually a guilt phase and an anger phase in grief... sort of guilt you can't do anything more, and angry at the world that someone you love has been taken). So, being understanding at that and mostly just getting on with life, and picking up the slack for a while if they aren't functioning at normal levels.

If it was me, I would just be there for him. Stock up on tissue boxes for the crying, and remind him that you're there if he wants to talk. I'm not sure if you're living with him or not, but I would make sure he's eating and drinking well, so it might be worth stocking up the freezer with favourite foods etc.

The other thing I would do is to visit grandma with him to make sure he processing everything that's being said at the hospital/nursing home. He may not be a primary carer but the medical jargon can be verwhelming too.

If these are grandparents from the same side, so married to each other, I would stress how much they would have wanted this, to die one shortly after the other.