Need support - please help

[onlyoranges]

My Mum died a few months ago. It was medical neglect in hospital. ‘A catalogue of failings’ was how it was described. We were very close and I am truly devastated especially as my Dad died the year before. Her inquest is coming up soon and I just don’t know whether to go. I have been excused but I feel I am letting her down if I don’t go. Has anyone been to an inquest? Or does anyone have any thoughts on what I should do. The closer it gets the more anxious I am getting. I have read the reports and know what happened but to hear them going over it all but then could there be any positives to going. In my head I have created nightmare scenarios about how she suffered and I wasn’t there but maybe in my grief I have made everything worst than it was. Even though it couldn’t have been worst as they let her die and they could have saved her. Your advice/support is really appreciated. I am truly heartbroken. Thanks

I went to the inquest after my sister died. It was pretty straightforward though, tbh - no medical negligence or possible apportioning of blame. The Coroner met us first and told us what would happen and what he was going to say. We then went in the 'public' room and he read what was in the report. In our circumstances it wasn't traumatic or difficult, and just felt the right thing for us to go. However, it is very personal, and also will be very different in your circumstances, or if it had been a crime or an RTA or something.
If you do go - take someone with you to support you.
If you don't go, is there someone who would go along in your place, in case you start wondering about it later, and you can ask them ?

Hi OP. I’ve no idea what an inquest consists of so I can’t help, but I do know what it’s like to lose your Mum, so wanted to give you my condolences

A friend of ours died in an accident aged 21. I had to go to the inquest because I came across the accident and phoned the police and ambulance. I was dreading it because I was already having nightmares, but it helped in part because I had been led to believe he'd traumatically died in pain. The inquest concluded he'd hit his head and was probably unconscious so couldn't get himself out of danger. Same result, but it was better to think that he wasn't aware. His parents were very soothed that they had answers to questions they'd not been provided with before.

If you know all the details, might it help to give it a miss? Or is there likely to be new information?

So sorry to read about your loss, losing your Mum and dad so close together must be difficult to cope with. I don't know anything about inquests I'm afraid, but my mum does 18 months ago and I'm still grieving. I hope the inquest goes well and you feel supported. Take care x