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Bereavement

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Thinking of bereaved mothers everywhere

20 replies

endofthelinefinally · 10/03/2018 09:09

Sending love and thoughts to mothers who have lost their children, as mothers day approaches.
I will buy some flowers and put them beside DS1's photograph and try to remember happier times.
Flowers

OP posts:
raspberrycordial · 10/03/2018 11:18

Sending love to you, there must surely be no greater pain than losing a child. 💕

Panda81 · 10/03/2018 22:34
Thanks

This will be my friend's first Mother's Day after losing her 6 year old boy last year.

I was thinking of sending her a 'thinking of you' message tomorrow but someone on another thread said they didn't like it as felt it just rubbed it in their noses. They just want to ignore it. It's so hard to know what to say or do when I can't possibly understand what she's going through. I fear saying the wrong thing even though my intentions are always good. (In general, not just Mother's Day related).
I also don't want her to think I'm ignoring what will undoubtedly be a difficult day for her.

ThanksThanks for all those mother's who have lost a child xx

LolitaLempicka · 10/03/2018 22:35

Panda I think that would be a lovely thing to do. I think most bereaved parents want to talk about their children and want others to acknowledge them, they do not want to think that they are forgotten.

endofthelinefinally · 10/03/2018 22:41

I agree.
I feel as if most people have moved on and dont spare a thought for me or ds.
There are a few who remember and message me from time to time. I really appreciate it.
It makes me feel as if DS was important and his life mattered.
Tomorrow will be a difficult day anyway. If someone thought of me I would be grateful.

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 10/03/2018 22:44

Flowers to you all and to the others here who've lost a child. It's the saddest loss of all.

Lifeaback · 10/03/2018 22:46

Thinking of all you very strong women tommorow Flowers

OP, buying flowers for beside your sons photograph sounds like a lovely thing to do. Would you like to tell us a bit about him?

TiffinForTea · 10/03/2018 22:48

Flowers for all bereaved mums.

endofthelinefinally · 10/03/2018 22:53

He was handsome and clever. Very artistic. He could paint pictures, design and build furniture, plumb things in and wire things up. Fix things. He was brilliant at IT stuff.
But he developed mental health problems. Couldn't get the help he needed. It all ended badly.
But he was loved.
I miss him every single day.

OP posts:
Lifeaback · 10/03/2018 23:00

He sounds lovely, I'm really sorry to hear it didn't end well. Life is so cruel. Everyone Ive met says bereavement gets better with time, but that doesn't stop you missing them and thinking about them non stop.

FlowersFlowers

Sadmum23 · 10/03/2018 23:16

Sorry for your loss endofthelinefinally. Nothing worse than losing a child regardless of their age. Lost my daughter nearly four years ago - 💔

ParkheadParadise · 10/03/2018 23:17

@Panda81 that would be a lovely thing to do for your friend.
Another year without my dd. This year I will be 40 we had planned a trip to New York to celebrate me turning 40 and dd 25. Now I just go to the cemetery with flowers. Will never understand how life turned out the way it did.

Flowers for everyone missing their child.

raspberrycordial · 11/03/2018 20:25

Just to say that I would absolutely contact someone who had lost their child just to let them know you’re thinking of them, every day after the loss of a child is awful and the child is never far from the front of the parents mind-just because it is Mother’s Day does not mean it can be any worse than every other day. A bereaved parent is always hurting, you will not upset them any more than they already are and if there are tears they may be grateful to be able to let them out.

CBrown80 · 15/03/2018 23:10

I agree 100% with LolitaLempicka. I lost my 7 days old daughter in Sept 2016 and every single day is hard. People feel awkward talking to a bereaved parent. But I would love to talk to people about my daughter even if I havent managed to spent lots of time with her (held her 3 times, twice for around 5 mins when the nurses took her out of the incubator and the 3rd time when she was given to me in the neonatal unit's quite room) when the doctor prepared us that this would be the last time we would hold her.

LolitaLempicka · 16/03/2018 02:54

CBrown80 she was here and she was loved. You knew her, keep telling your friends about her. Peace and love to you.

mumgointhroughtorture · 16/03/2018 03:26

A Mother's Grief

You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go

How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see

You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The second I try to speak my heart,
You start squirming in your chair.

Because I am so lonely,
you see, no one comes around,
I'll take the words I want to say
And quietly choke them down.

Everyone avoids me now,
Because they don't know what to say
They tell me I'll be there for you,
then turn and walk away.

Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call you and scream
into the phone,
Help me, my child is dead?

No one will let me
say the words I need to say
Why does a mother's grief scare
everyone away?

I am tired of pretending
as my heart pounds in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.

How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child
who in your arms grows cold?

Maybe you can tell me,
How should one behave,
who's had to follow their child's casket,
watched it perched above a grave?

You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.

If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.

Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."

Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do too.

A Mum who lost her young baby on my FB friends posted this..
Obviously some Mums do appreciate the thoughts ..

CBrown80 · 16/03/2018 17:54

This poem says everything I am thinking and everything I want to say! It's amazing!

Accountant222 · 16/03/2018 19:46

Beautiful poem, my lovely friend lost her 28 year old son to a brain tumour last month, I intend to be there for her, for the rest of her life.

element19 · 16/03/2018 20:37

Oh my word, that poem sums it up perfectly. Beautifully written and I wish I would have had the guts to post something like that to my social media x

endofthelinefinally · 17/03/2018 12:38

That poem is so true.
I am getting better at keeping the mask in place, but in my head I am screaming and my heart is broken.

OP posts:
TheDinosaurRoars · 17/03/2018 22:11

My daughter died last month.

Flowers to everyone.

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