Will I feel normal again?

[Mellodrama]

My husband (separated, though still v close) died Monday and I just cannot stop crying 😭

I went to visit him at the mortuary on the Tuesday and he looked so clean, and young again (he was 53) and sober (he was an alcoholic)

We were living apart and he'd not seen DC's since August due to his alcoholism but now I'm completely awash with guilt; why wasn't I there for him more, why didn't I speak to him more, help him more etc.

All I've done is cry and I feel so hopeless.

Are these normal feelings of grief and will they go away in time?

for you OP. His death isn't your fault, any more than his alcoholism was. Maybe you could've been there more or spoken to him more or helped him more, but I doubt it would've prevented this sad outcome - and you needed to preserve your own health so you could care for your DC - and they are your responsibility in a way another adult is not. Be kind to yourself. Your grief is entirely normal and understandable, but none of this is your fault.

@juneau thank you so much for your kind words, I really needed those as I'm sat here, yet again, in a pool of my own tears 😪😢💔

Yes they are totally normal feelings of grief and yes they will lessen. You’re not only mourning the loss of the man you were married to but also the man he could have been had he not been an alcoholic. The loss of your children’s dad. Etc
Google grief cycle and see the range of emotions that are normal and healthy. And be kind to yourself.

Of course you are grieving - whatever life threw at you both, he was still your husband and there will be good times to mourn. I am sure that it was his alcoholism that you ceased to love - and it is a cruel master.

Rest assured that most partners of an alcoholic find the only option is to leave and to protect themselves and their children from being sucked in to the misery that this awful illness causes.

You did right to protect your family. There is no easy answer to how to deal with this and you did your best in difficult circumstances.

Do not blame yourself. There is no need.

I am sorry for your loss.

Your messages have got me in tears, with your beautiful kind words, thank you so much 💔💔💔

Oh you poor love, I am so sorry for your loss, absolutely not any fault of yours

You will definitely feel more normal again one day, but you have to get through the grief first. The pain and guilt never truly go but you learn to put them somewhere else in your mind.

I’m so, so sorry for your loss ❤️ You’re feelings are totally normal and over time they will lessen even though I know it doesn’t feel like it just now.

Sounds like such a tough time OP. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it x

Guilt is a normal part of the grieving pattern, though at the time it hurts so very much I know.
You will feel other things too, like anger and loss.

You are grieving for so many things, the love, the man, the life you have lost now.

You will slowly find your life again, just give yourself time, at first you will seem to be in a storm of emotions, but you do find a path through it.

Keep posting if it helps you, there is always someone here.

Kindest thoughts.

Oh I'm so sorry.you are going through this.53 is so young.Others have said you are grieving the loss of the good times and it is natural to wish you could he done more.Any addiction he had was beyond anything you could change.Look after.yourself.This isn't your fault. X

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. I completely understand (and remember well) that need to feel 'normal' again, but as WhyBeDennyDifferent says, you have to go through grief first. there's no avoiding it - let it in is all I can advise. It will get easier, I promise .

Hi. Sorry for your loss.

It's early days and it is definitely grief talking. We lost my mil to alcoholism in her early 50s.

It was awful. You feel completely hopeless. We did everything we possibly could to keep her here and we still lost her. Don't blame yourself. None of it was within your control.

If anything be proud of yourself for having the strength to put your children first. That was a very brave thing you did.

It will get easier as time goes on. We actually found a lot of peace knowing that mil was finally in a place where she is hopefully happy and the wonderful woman she always was deep down.

If you are open to it counselling might help.

Sorry for your loss.
Some great advice here.
Feeling normal again, just a different type of normal.