Mother’s Day, how to cope?

[hollypocks]

Just that really. My mum died last year, quite suddenly and traumatically but I was with her and truly grateful for that.
Absolutely dreading Mother’s Day. Just don’t know what to do or how to keep it together. Have 4 wonderful children of my own but can’t seem to focus on being happy with them.
Anyone having a similar experience if have advice? Thank you so much

I lost my mum some years back,but this is your first one,so no doubt the hardest....is there anyway someone could look after your 4 kids,and you go have some you time :)

I lost my mum 3 years ago and I find Mother’s Day the hardest to cope with, even more so than Christmas, her birthday, anniversary of her death. I have 3 dc though and they love to make me cards, little tokens and so on so I grin and bear it. Sometimes I have to give myself a foot up the bottom and remind myself that I loved to spoil my mum so I know how they’d feel if I turned round and said “We’re not doing Mother’s Day any more”, it gets a tiny bit easier each time. I have spoken about how I feel with DH and he will arrange a meal out the week before, telling the kids it’s so on Mother’s Day I can have a long lie, chill, relax without getting myself & them ready to go out. Really it’s so I don’t see big families with Grans at the heart of things as it breaks my heart that my DC no longer have a gran.

my Mum lost her elderly Mum over 3 years ago now and still finds Mother’s Day one of the harder anniversaries. Despite having DC of her own who are eager and willing to spoil and treat her.

I think it’s hard because it’s everywhere and unavoidable, whereas birthdays and other anniversaries are more private.

Be kind to yourself this year, talk to your DC in an age appropriate way about how the day is making you feel, can you do something to incorporate your Mum into the day, is your DH sympathetic?

My mum died in November 2015 and Mothers' Day is really hard. We always made a big thing of it and I used to spend ages choosing a card for her. I have to stay put of card shops this time of year. It does get easier though, the first one nearly broke me.

Thank you all so much, the marketing is just overwhelming me this year but I did actually buy a card yesterday and decide to write it for my mum. Going to spend some time by myself in the morning then try and go something with the children later. DH quite understanding but has to be told in explicit terms. I’m sorry for all your losses too, but thankful for all your advice and support

I’m with you hollypocks.i too lost my mum last year in sudden and traumatic circumstances. I plan to take a walk to the place where my parents ashes were scattered. Dd is coming home from university for the weekend and we are all going out for dinner in the evening so I shall make it a day of two halves.

So sorry to hear this too, i shall be thinking of you on Sunday. How you have a wonderful dinner with your DD

This is the 7th without my mum, she died when I was 22 back in 2011.

But even now I go a little quiet and sad on Mother's Day. I'm glad you've got some plans with your children for Sunday and some time on yourself as well. I try to pretend I'm happy doing other things on Mother's Day (this year I'm going to my dad and my step-mum's - my lovely dad remarried in 2015 - with my gran for lunch), but it really does help to have a bit of quiet reflection time.

I know you said you've got a card, and I always find that really comforting too. Just in case it helps anyone, in Card Factory you can get specific 'Missing You on Mother's Day' cards (and similar at Christmas etc). I sometimes get those if I can't find one with an appropriate message, and I'll write 'updates' to her or just tell her I love her and keep the cards in a memory box.

Be gentle with yourself on Sunday. Sometimes I find it's the day before or after that can be worse, so give yourself time to grieve as you need too - you're still so early in the grief, and it is ok to feel whatever you feel on Sunday.

Mother's Day last year was the last time I spoke to my mum face to face before she passed away (also 3 months before I got married) following a 6 month battle with cancer.

I was doing fine until the first Mother's Day related advert came on the TV and it hit me like a train!

My plan is to buy and write a card to her, and spend the day avoiding all things mother related. I have no children and DH is going to his mum's for lunch so this won't be too hard

to everyone having a difficult time of it this weekend

Please be comforted by the fact your mum loved you and didn't choose to leave you. My mum is abusive and hates me. She is happy never seeing me again as I've ruined her life. She has told me this and never wanted me. I'm devastated as all I did was to try to please her. I'm mourning the ruined childhood. No one ever thinks about this or bereaved children. It's the money making machine in constant adverts and huge signs in supermarkets that cause such pain.

I spent the day as ocies described - a day of 2 halves. I went to the crematorium in the morning and spent time sitting in the gardens there in the beautiful sunshine.

Then spent the afternoon with friends and our dc being spoilt and eating cake! I did shed a tear or two with dc when opening their cards etc but feel that’s okay as emotions are a natural part of life and hopefully will help dc develop healthy emotions too.

Wishing love to all of you who are grieving....

mrsbeverleygoldberg, that is so sad to read.
I hope you know that the problem is hers and not yours and that you have people around you to care for you.

My mum passed away on 1st March, she had been ill but her actual death was sudden and unexpected. I didn't have a very good relationship with her so I'm currently going through, grief, guilt and regret. I didn't think mothers day would bother me as much as it did. I have an amazing husband and 3 brilliant children but I found myself being snappy with them. I went to the cemetery and had a good cry but still can't get the dark cloud to shift.

I know its early days yet but everything's gone too fast and I can't keep up.