Emotional roller coaster and what to expect when you Mum dies

[southernharp]

My Mum died just over a month ago and I feel like i am skating on a frozen lake, which is full of emotion that I can't access. I don't really know what I feel anymore. Mum was ill, but it became critical very quickly and I didn't make it to her in time. I was two long flights and a long drive away and she had gone before I was even a couple of hours into my journey. So I feel that I didn't even really get to say goodbye. This is on top of a very painful and messy separation after a longish marriage and the fall out from this, which is still going on. My Dad died 6 years ago and I don't even feel like I'm over that.

What a lot to have had to deal with. My dad died in January, 14 months after a diagnosis that usually offers about 6 months.

You can't expect to feel anything in particular. The relationship and situation is so different for everyone. Someone who lived down the road from their parent and had Sunday lunch with them every week has a who,e different experience from someone in your situation- not better, not worse, just different.

All I can say is honour what ever you do feel, and give yourself time.

I think it changes the landscape of your life no matter how it happens. You just have to get used to living in a new place.

Hi southern. I'm in a similar position to you, my Mum also passed away suddenly just over a month ago, and I'm still not sure how I'm feeling. I was with her when she passed but some of my family couldn't be there due to distance. She knew she was loved by all of us though and that's what matters - I'm sure your Mum did too.

Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, even if that's numbness. I'm thinking of you and hope you have some support around you - it sounds like such a difficult time with everything else you have going on.