How often do you visit relative's grave?

[Xylo]

Lost my brother 18 months ago.

Been back once 6 months after the funeral to tidy the grave.

Thinking about going again but the thought is too painful. Somehow it's easier to just not go and forget that he even died. He took his own life which I still can't get my head around.

Doea going to the grave once in a while help you cope or not?

sorry for your loss.
My DM died 14 years ago and I've been back to her grave 3 or 4 times in total. I have to make a special trip because it's not near where I live.

Each time I feel sad because her little plaque needs polishing and moss removing (I don't think anyone else visits).

For me, I don't need to go to the gravestone, because I don't get any comfort from it. I believe my DMs spirit is elsewhere. But I know others who go several times a week and find great comfort. You can only do what feels right for you.

I've seen my Dad's grave once in 10 years and only then because my friend's husband died tragically young and was being buried that day.

My Mum never visits the grave. We don't like burials but it was Dad's wishes so we went along with it.

If it doesn't comfort you don't go OP. As time goes on you may feel able and it may bring comfort, but don't feel guilty whatever you do. Sorry for your loss and best wishes.

Can I just express some caution? I'll admit I go round family graves regularly but if I haven't been for a while I know I become really disheartened that I've let that person down in some way if their grave has become scruffy. By that I mean dirty head stone, dead flowers, weeds etc.

I'm not entirely sure what my point in sharing is other than to make you aware of a different experience. I really am sorry for your loss. Hugs.

I know some people aren't the biggest fans of artificial flowers, but I don't mind them, they give lovely colour for such a long time even if no one visits for long periods.

I visit my mum's every couple of months, despite living close to it. I just don't get anything positive (if that's even the right word) from it. She died 5 years ago and I'm still in denial, still very angry, and do my best to suppress my feelings about it because it hurts too much. So whenever I visit I either feel empty or like screaming. Also I don't like to think that she's now to spend eternity in a cemetery waiting on someone visiting. I like to think she's enjoying her after life and is with me wherever I am.

I often feel guilty for not going more though.

My brother died six years ago, and my mum died two years ago. They are buried beside one another.

I’ve never visited the graves other than the internments and I never intend to either.

I don’t take any comfort from it.

I have never visited where my father's ashes were interned. Never wanted to. He isn't there. He's in my memories and they're always with me.

Rarely, but more due to distance rather than anything else.

I've never visited my loved ones graves sites. Like PPs, I get no comfort from it. I have their photos up in my house so they are always in my thoughts. But someone I know visits his wife's grave every day. He must get comfort from it. Everyone's different.
for you OP, you can only do what's right for you

I used to go at least once a day, but my husband’s grave is within walking distance. It was a year before I stopped going every day, but I still go down about once a week. He truly was my soulmate and I find life doesn’t hold the same joy. I’ve told my kids that I never expect them to do this when I die, as the relationship is different, not less, just different.

I know women who have never visited their husband’s grave and that’s ok too. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and anyone who tells you differently can go fuck themselves. I’m talking from bitter experience.

My nan visited my granddad's grave with fresh flowers every week without fail for 35 years until about 5 years ago when she could no longer walk there, she goes about once a month now. She was widowed young though and used to go to sit by his grave and talk to him. We visit my grandparents at Christmas to leave a wreath and every now and then if we are passing, but they are buried in a different town to where I live. DH visits his parents graves about once every couple of months to tidy them up.

I know the feeling. I mean I couldn't imagine loosing my brother but I lost one of my closest friends when I was 18. I usually go to her grave when I'm back in my hometown, so a few or more times a year. I find it quite upsetting because it reminds me of the fact that she died and the funeral and how difficult those few months were after she died for her family and friends.I'd rather hink of the memories we had together and the great person she was. But I go for her sister's sake, she finds it comforting to go, she feels as if that's where she is and it's comforting for her to see that she's resting in such a beautiful place. I keep her company and go with her. But a grave is just a grave and the memories are defiently more important so I wouldn't say it's a necessity to go and visit it

Daughter passed July 2016. We go every month on the 16th the date she passed plus Mother's Day, Birthday . I do not get comfort from it but feel l need to be there to honour her memory if that makes sense.

i have never been to where my parents' ashes are scattered. I don't need to; I think about them every day.