When you're not chief mourner but still sad

[expatmatt78]

So I posted before about how to tell my kids (thx for the advice I told older first and glad I did - little one still seems to think it's a joke!)
It's my FIL that died (well officially my DH stepdad so not actually anything official to me or the kids). But we knew him as family and the kids called him by first name but j was more their GP than my actual FIL and are sad. we live overseas so DH has gone over to help his Mum I find I'm struggling with stronger emotions than I expected which have come on 2 weeks later and surprised me. Maybe cos also mixed in with worry for DH who is worried for his DM and so far away
I'm really close to DH family and he's been gone 2 weeks but it's only just hitting me
Is hard to explain to others as I guess I'm not "chief mourner" but he was my buddy and I loved him a lot. Not looking for advice just wanted to come on and say despite weird family non official relationship he was my family and I'll miss him so much

omalleys thanks for the update and I'm so pleased to hear your folks came through for you in the end - I agree that sometimes one has to really spell out what we require from people and perhaps your parents didn't really appreciate the strain you faced. In any case they sound like they were a gray support
And your DD - wow she's only 6? Good for her. I'm glad she got to say goodbye. I think if we lived in the same country my Dc would come to this funeral otherwise, like for me, if all seems a bit unreal

Re the reading im still unsure if it's wanted or needed - the family is flip flopping about what they want. In any case they know I have something ready and if they want or need me I will do it x

Ps omalley interesting about the technical aspects of a burial I've only ever been to cremations - but my DD(8) has asked a lot of questions such as "so you're going to BURN HIM?!!) gah !! How do u even answer that