My grandfather passed away a week ago tomorrow. I have taken it worse than i thought i would. We knew it was coming but we did not expect it so soon.
He was 95 years old, just. We celebrated his birthday on christmas day. He had a fall and ended up in hospital, also with other complications that he was waiting to have scans and an operation for. I visited the hospital twice while he was there. He was almost there 2 weeks. The first night he couldn't remember anything, me, my partner or why or how he had got there. He just wanted to go home. The second night we went he knew who we were but didn't really say much and tbh i didn't know what to say either. We stayed two hours but then i had to get back for my daughter because the sitter didn't want to stay any longer.
While we were there the doctor had been round to say they were just making him comfortable and stopping all medication apart from pain relief and talked about trying to get him home to die. He had lots of fluid filling his lungs. I couldn't get a sitter the night after that, the tuesday and without my partner taking me i had no way of getting to the hospital that night. He died the early hours of wednesday morning. I feel so guilty i didn't get there the tuesday night. I am very angry and have a short temper for the last week. I am also 17 weeks pregnant but he didn't know about this baby which i also now feel so guilty about. I find i now don't have time for people that don't have time for me and that are only there when they want something or when it is on their terms. I think hormones have a part to play too. We have 2 more weeks to wait till the funeral and i hate to think we have to wait that long to lay him to rest.
I don't think my partner understand as he just gets on with things. I don't even know what i want from this post. Just to vent. Thank you for reading x