We Never Did Get to Have That Cup of Tea.

[Darkday]

I heard today (via dh and the radio) that a lovely person I used to know died 6 months ago in a tragic accident.
The person is question was only in their early forties and had a son (8).
About 20 years ago, I was friends with this person and used to do a bit of socialising together and worked at the same place so car shared for a while.
Then she met her husband and I met mine and I moved to a different city and we drifted apart.
Over the last few years, I had randomly bumped into her a few times and we always meant to get together for a cuppa...but it never happened for one reason or another.
She was a vivacious and bubbly person who could light up a room and would post uplifting facebook entries about appreciating the world around her (I also closed my facebook account, long story - restarted it up again a long time after and didn't send her a friend request sadly).
Even though, I did not know her well of late, I am struggling to process this loss - she was relatively young, it was an awful accident which unfortunately she was responsible for (there were some hideous comments in relation to a newspaper article outlining her death) but she would never in a million years have wanted to cause harm to anyone and would be devastated had she lived to be involved in such an accident. She also left behind a little boy (last time I saw him was when he was a toddler) and this is one of my worst fears - leaving behind my own children early. Realistically, she could have lived for at least another 30-40 years, it is so tragic.
I didn't really know her husband well enough to get back in touch or anyone that knew her (lost contact). There is no reference in past newspapers/on-line records as to where she might be buried; I thought about visiting her grave as this might at least provide some closure.
Just feeling incredibly sad and the whole thing as come as a shock and have no-one to reminisce with other than dh who barely knew her (but will of course provide a listening ear).
Anyone experienced similar?

Ahh that’s so sad OP. Sorry for your loss.

Life just gets in the way sometimes.

I had a similar thing recently where I declined an invitation from a friend (more an acquaintance really) and then he died. I’m trying not to dwell on it as any of us could go at any time and we never know what’s around the corner. We weren’t to know he was a bit to die - though he was much older than your friend.

*about to die, not a bit!

That sounds hard. Unfortunately there is little that we can say to make grieving easier, it just has to be endured and over time the pain lessens a bit

I think your friend sounds like an amazing person and I'm sure would be touched to be remembered so very fondly even after drifting apart. Also try not to focus too much on the manner of her death - a moment's inattention (which she paid for with her life) should not overshadow her whole life, which sounds rich and full of love.

To leave such a young child is very sad but she lives on a little in her boy and in your memories of her.

I'm not religious but maybe lighting a candle and having a little think about her might help, or playing some music from your car-share era.

Take care

I lost a dear friend last year and have decided, rather than visiting his grave or something like that, to do something kind whenever I want to remember him. I know he'd like that better and, if he's looking down, would sooner see a homeless person with a hot drink or flowers given to someone as a surprise than on his memorial