How do I feel?

[CoffeebyIV]

My Mom died suddenly and unexpectedly on Thursday. I keep being asked how I am, I honestly don’t know what to say or what the answer is. I feel lost and numb and I have no idea if I feel better or anything?

I miss my Mom and all I want is her back with this. It’s the same with work come back when your ready, but what is ready? Is it when I’m not going to start crying over random memories or is there something else?

I’m late 20s and fortunately in one respect this is the first bereavement I’ve experienced and I’ve no idea what is normal now.

I am so sorry for your loss op. My father died suddenly when I was 25. He woke up one day and said he didn't feel well and had a heart attack. I'm 39 now and crying my eyes out writing this.

We all grieve differently and when the death is sudden we can go into shock. Just look after yourself and be kind to yourself. I had a week off work and went back only because I was going through the motions putting one foot in front of the other. My boss was absolutely brilliant.

Xx

OP you sound confused, that's quite normal. And confused is a feeling, isn't it? There's an expectation that we'll feel some kind of sadness that diminishes over time, but grief is much more complicated than that. Whatever you are feeling is part of the process. If anyone asks, you could say you're in shock, perhaps?

I'm sorry that you lost your Mum.

Hi,

It is still very early days for you and as it was unexpected it would of been a huge shock for you. I think you need time from work to grieve. One thing I learned from my Mam dying was if you feel upset, down, sad, depressed make sure you have someone to chat to. I dealt with my Mams death on my own and now suffer terrible depression. I hid how I felt as if people expected me to get over it. Our Mams are our Mams whether we were close or not affects us as we never have that connection with anyone else. I wish you well, it is the most horrible feeling not having a Mam anymore, we get used to it but my Mam dying made the sparkle in me fizzle out. My Mam had cancer and dementia and I was with her when she took her last breath. You will in time smile at the memories you have x

sorry for your loss op

I’m sorry for your loss OP. My mum also died suddenly just before Christmas and I think I have some sense of where you are. I too have no idea how I am and how ‘well’ I’m doing. I went back to work after 2.5 weeks and to be honest I think it may have been a little soon as I’m still just so tired and lacking in concentration. I have been able to work slightly shorter days, however, and kind colleagues have taken a few things off me. For me, the routine and social contact has been helpful but am just a bit easily overwhelmed. Maybe think about a phased return to work? Anyway, hang in there OP: it’s a horrible time x