Mam

[Choccogirl50]

Is it normal to still be so sad after 23 months of their Mam having died. I still feel so sad and upset. I miss her so much. At the same time Mam died the week before my daughter left with a new job she attained 3 hours drive away and so I had empty nest as well. I miss her very much too, I see a lot of my daughter, she visits and we visit her every three to four weeks for the weekend but still miss her. I think it’s the change in my life. I’m not good with change. I still can’t grasp I aren’t someone’s child anymore. My Dad died 27 years ago and because I had hope and my life ahead of me I seemed to cope better or maybe it was I still had a Mam in my life. Now I feel no hope anymore almost like I am next in line, I envy women at my age still having a mam and dad. I tried grief counselling but it didn’t work. It’s the not having a Mam that I had in my life for 53 years and now she’s gone. So very hard to explain and the fact people move on and I am still so sad. X

I am so sad for you to be on this road. My lovely mum died nearly 3 years ago and I still miss her so much every single day. But also, I can see how much I have improved since her accident and over time it is getting easier.

My dad died nearly 30 years ago and my step father 8 years ago, so like you it feels very unfair that I have lost all my parents before I was ready. I am 49.

I have recently started counselling and cranial sacral therapy. The two combined have certainly helped me. I had some sessions with Cruse but didn’t find it that helpful. The trick is to find someone you click with so maybe worth you trying others to see if that’s better.

Hi Choco - I'm so sorry to hear about your sad losses. In my experience, the pain and sadness never goes away, but hopefully the raw grief has lessened for you. It is very strange being the older generation, with no-one to look up to or please. You are not alone in your grief

Thanks for your thoughts. It’s good to know others feel the same and sad that we have felt like this. It’s not something I have anyone to talk to about and so I bury it deep down until I’m on my own. Reading replies I am upset even as it’s just so sad. Least thing sets me off these days. I also keep thinking gloomingly of my daughter that she will go through this one day and that worries me her feeling the same way as I do now. It’s hard because I put a front on with her as after all when she rings or texts or visits no one wants a gloomy Mam down their neck with their problems so I just listen to her problems. I still see my Mam dying in my head and the last gasp, something I hate to see on the television if I’m watching a film and it happens as it reminds me. I think the period in my life is difficult now, post meno, empty nest and orphan it’s hard to grasp where the years went and what’s now. I’m sure others will get me x

Sorry for your loss Choccogirl50 I think Yorkshirebornandbread is spot on.
When my dd died 2years ago all I wanted was my mum, sadly she had dementia and didn't know me anymore. I remember going to visit and just wanting to tell her what had happened to dd.
My mum passed away last year.
Counselling has helped me, although I did find it hard and painful to open up.
Take Care

ParkheadParadise, that’s hard on you hiding it from Mum. Dementia is horrible I recall funny things though with my Mam about dementia I reckon you will, one was Mam always confusing me as her sister not daughter and telling me to get to bed at the care home. X