Work after bereavement

[user1485778793]

I lost my baby a few months ago, although I'm entitled to take all my maternity I don't want to because I'm pregnant. I'm going into work next week to discuss returning.

Problem is I still cry, not buckets but just well up. I can't be doing this in my job.

I don't know if having more time off will be the answer. Or if I just need to go back and work through it.

I don't have a particularly understanding job or any colleagues that I'm friends with

I'm so sorry you lost your baby. That must have been really awful.

Did you mean to say you're pregnant now?

Why do you want to go back? On the one hand you're less likely to get upset if nobody's sympathetic, but that would be really tough at the same time. It sounds like you could do with a change of job.

Yes, I'm now pregnant. Work don't know yet.

I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through but congratulations on your pregnancy.

Is it the type of place where you can easily go off to the loo if you do well up? It's obviously going to be a totally shitty few months going back to work but I can see why you want to / need to so you get mat leave when your baby arrives.

Thankyou xx

I'm a secondary teacher. No chance of nipping out as I teach a practical subject.

I'm tempted to ask to be put in the office and do photocopying till my next mat leave

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I do feel for you so much though lovely it must be a worrying time. Wishing you well xxx

We won't know if this baby has the same condition as our son until 20 weeks. Although they've said it's very unlikely.

I could have my mat leave ended and go onto sick leave which would put me back on full pay but I would then be set targets and return dates so don't really want that hassle.

Can you contact OH/EPS and ask about phased return or alternative duties?

It must be a very confusing and tentative time for you with lots of mixed emotions.

What's eps?

So sorry for your loss user but congrats on your new pregnancy. Wishing you all the best.

I lost my son and went onto maternity leave. I took about 3.5 months and went back for money more than anything else. I wasn't ready at all but it actually wasn't so bad once I was back.

I struggled with changing routine and like you worried about being upset a lot but I've never cried once in front of colleagues about my loss and it's been 2.5 years now!

Can you request a phased return or explain your worries to someone in hr?

I have a meeting arranged with work. The guy it's with has always been really supportive, so has the head teacher.

But my line manager has never supported me and has quite often been the source of problems. She has given private info to pupils about me, bitched to colleagues about me and about them. She's generally a very itchy person, not at all sympathetic. I really dread seeing her again. I knew she was happy I was pregnant, I think she hoped I wouldn't go back. And now I'm going back but going off again in May/June

Thankyou for all the congrats messages

EPS = education personnel service. It's what out county refers to OH as now. I wasn't sure if that's county/regional or national!

Our hr is outsourced to a private company. They only come in if there are problems with staff. We have no oh on site. I was once sent to oh for a health reason, they were very good and work just went a long with a report they wrote, nothing major happend.

My line manager had been very cold when I had had a MC previously and I was dreading being around her following stillbirth and true to form she wasn't very sympathetic at all.

Tbh though I didn't find it that hard to deal with I just thought that's her flaw not mine. I know what it feels like and I know how difficult it is and if she doesn't sympathise then poor person for missing that function.

You will find most people will treat you like normal. Not many people will ask about the baby you have lost and not many people will take it into consideration but I find that to be the case in general. It is such a taboo subject.

Hi,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby during labour in February, I was 41 weeks so entitled to full maternity leave. I'm also a teacher - Primary though. I took maternity leave until the summer holidays and started back at the end of August. Just before I started back I found out I was expecting again too so I faced a similar dilemma to what you are facing now (although without the bitchy line manager). I chose to go back to work and honestly it's been stressful being back but a good distraction at the same time - there are no allowances made I was expected to be back and working at full capacity, people have been very supportive but do find it difficult to mention my loss. I'm now 25 weeks pregnant and thinking about finishing up work in about 5 weeks time because I can feel the anxiety bubbling and getting more extreme the closer I get to my daughters anniversary and my due date. I can't advise what is best to do for you but just wanted to let you know my experience - I've found it stressful because I've so much other stuff going on emotionally and behind the scenes but at the same time it's helped me to have something else to focus on and pass the time. Maybe it's worth having a conversation with HR about reduced duties if possible (wasn't an option for me) and seeing how you feel once you go back - if you find work too stressful and difficult to cope with you would be completely justified to get signed off again with pregnancy related anxiety which won't count on your record - this was my plan at the beginning and I felt better knowing that I could do that if I felt it was all getting too much.