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Original poster

Anyone else with a recent loss feeling strange about new years eve/day

30 replies

whatisforteamum · 30/12/2017 18:43

I think it.will be harder than Christmas.I worked all Christmas and my not so Dh ruined Xmas eve by being drunk and abusive.Now I've had time to think it will be weird going into 2018 without my dear Dad.Like.were leaving him behind when intact he left us.Anyone else.feel like this?

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 30/12/2017 23:45

I must admit I am dreading it. Spent the last few NYEs worrying that it would be my DF's last year as he had cancer. DF died in October. I struggled over Christmas but managed just about to keep it together.

We have been invited to friends for NYE party. I am worried that I might get overly emotional. My friends are understanding but DH thinks I should be fine. He has been mainly supportive but does struggle with me worrying that I might get upset at a future event IYSWIM. He thinks I should go with a positive attitude but if I then get upset it is fine and he will be supportive. Therefore, in his opinion I shouldn't be dreading NYE.

I am so sorry that your DH has not been supportive Flowers

Loss of a parent is horrific and this time of year does not help. I knew I would feel awful when my DF died but nothing can prepare you for how awful it is. Grief takes my breath away sometimes it hits so hard.

Unmanned · 31/12/2017 09:50

Dreading it too . My lovely mum passed away earlier this year and my beloved partner unexpectedly four weeks later Sad

Going into a new year without them seems unbearable

Flowers Gin to all xx

LittleHoHoHo · 31/12/2017 12:35

Yes.

A new year which my Mum will never see for herself. Unbearable is the right word.

MyGuideJools · 31/12/2017 15:18

Yes it's horrible. I'm glad I'm working a night shift. Dad died in September and I still struggle to believe he's gone.
Xmas was quiet and sad. It's just not the same this year.

runner2 · 31/12/2017 17:37

I empathise with each and every one of you. My dad died a month ago (can it really be that long already?) just 3 months after his terminal diagnosis (cancer) and for the first time ever I just can't face doing anything tonight, other than huddle close to my husband & children and go to bed at our normal time. My mum has her bf with her (also widowed) and she and I agreed a few days ago that it would be more upsetting to be together tonight than apart - so we'll get together in the morning instead then have a nice lunch.
One of the things I'm most dreading about moving into the new year is that it makes it seem like Dad is further away from us than he really is IYSWIM? Like, he died "last year" rather than just a few weeks ago... For the first time I am truly appreciating what a very, very painful time of year this can be.

ineedaholidaynow · 31/12/2017 18:54

Have already been in tears, certainly not going to be the life and soul of the party tonight Sad

I just don't see how I can celebrate the New Year when I will never be able to see my DF again, and as others have said he will now have died "last year" rather than a few weeks ago.

BabyAlexander · 31/12/2017 19:08

I lost my DDad suddenly this year, my heart breaks every single day. The thought of him dying "last year" is too much to bear. I've not allowed myself to grieve and I know I have to do that but if I ignore it it can't be happening. I have zero intention of being awake at midnight. If I am I am quite certain I'll be sat sobbing somewhere. I miss him so very much.

💐 for us all

Retreatbynameretreatbynature · 31/12/2017 20:05

My darling DF passed away in October after suffering for so long. I’m missing him terribly and, like everyone else, I cannot bear the thought of going into a new year without him. My heart is literally breaking at the realisation that he is not with me anymore. I’ve found it hard to grieve as I have one DC with ASD and another with severe depression. So I struggle to meet their needs each and every day. My darling DM is really poorly at the moment so I won’t even be able to share NYE with her and my DH is working nights. I don’t want anything apart from to have Dad back, Christmas has been awful and life seems so bleak. My thoughts are with all of you who are feeling equally sad this evening 💐

Timeforachange68 · 31/12/2017 20:23

It's a weird feeling isn't it somehow Happy New Year doesn't seem appropriate especially to say to my dad (surviving parent) it will be so strange saying my mum died last year - I hadn't thought about that until now. We're spending the evening at home but that's not unusual on NYE

Unmanned · 31/12/2017 20:45

I'm sitting here alone and in tears. My partner and I would always have a quiet evening watching films with a bottle of bubbly snuggled up on the sofa. We'd go outside at midnight to watch the fireworks (could see loads where we lived) him stood behind me with his arms wrapped round me Sad

I'll miss my mum ringing me in the morning to remind me not to do any washing on 1st Jan "or you'll wash all your luck away"!

Hate this Sad

Love to all going through this ❤️

Willow18 · 31/12/2017 21:50

Feeling so sad, lost my dad on 23rd December, he’d had a big stroke in October then developed pneumonia, he passed away with me and my mum by his side,he’d never managed to get well enough to come home, Christmas was awful, now New Year’s Eve to deal with, never even got dressed nor got up today ...had a shower n changed bed now back in it.....can’t do anything but stay in bed with my dads blanket ..feeling all your pain

beelover · 31/12/2017 22:34

Flowers for you all. Its been 16 months since my DM died and I am feeling sad tonight that a whole year she had no part of has nearly gone.

ParkheadParadise · 31/12/2017 22:42

Hogmanay will never be the same for me since I lost my dd. Can't believe it's going to be another year without her.

runner2 · 01/01/2018 09:43

Good morning to you all. Well done to all of us for getting through a very difficult night; personally I'm very relieved to have got that out the way. I don't feel much better today but knowing I'm not alone in this pain has helped in the last 24 hours, so thank you everyone who posted and I really do wish you all well for the days, weeks and months ahead without the loved ones we have lost. Flowers

Paperdove87 · 01/01/2018 09:51

Thank you for these messages. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone. It's been difficult to enter 2018 as it's like another little link with my Dad has gone- he was alive in 2017 and we shared that year but now I've entered a new year that he'll never be able to share with me. It's the same whenever I hear a new song because he loved music and it makes me think there's another song I can hear and he's never going to know it.

Thanks for everyone. Im so sorry for all your losses.

mollyt · 01/01/2018 20:45

It's just so hard - I lost my dad in July and feel almost disloyal stepping into a new year without him.just feels like time is marching on and I can't believe the world hasn't stopped turning out of respect for him. LOve to all on this thread.so hard.xx

flapjackfairy · 01/01/2018 20:56

My dad is dying and i struggled with it all last night. How can i say happy new yr to my family knowing what is to come. I went to bed and slept through the whole thing. I feel like the executioners axe is over our heads all the time and it is hard to carry on with normal life in the midst of it all.
Sending love and best wishes to all those who are struggling through this poignant time of year.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 01/01/2018 21:25

Well it is done now.I'm relieved and sorry we he all gone through this.DM looked! Very down last night.TBH they never did new year celebrations however even Mum could see it would be strange to have a new year without Dad.

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Timeforachange68 · 02/01/2018 14:41

It is & although we saw my dad for a meal on NYE he didn't want to see the new year in (not unusual) so went home by himself. Yesterday he complained no-one had text or called to wish him Happy new year but he hadn't text or rung anyone either! I assume people didn't think it was an appropriate thing to do

MountainDweller · 02/01/2018 14:53

I lost my Dad in April - he was dead 10 days after a sudden cancer diagnosis. I hated going into a new year without him. I lost my cat in mid December too. People keep saying they hope 2018 is better for me but I don't think things just get better after losing a close relative. Life can never be the same again Sad

Timeforachange68 · 02/01/2018 14:57

I think they probably mean better as in with less heartache? I've said to my friends who have lost someone this year - hope 2018 brings us less sadness because it felt more appropriate

LordTrash · 02/01/2018 14:59

It was a very hard time for me. I lost my mum 3 weeks ago, and we also would have celebrated her birthday in between Christmas and New Year, so it's been (and continues to be) a really hard time. MIL invited us round for NYE but I couldn't say 'Happy New Year', tried to get the words out but broke down in tears instead. Put a bit of the downer on the evening but not sure wtf they expected tbh.

Timeforachange68 · 03/01/2018 09:13

I would hope that they'd cut you some slack Lord under the circumstances - I certainty wouldn't have managed a party 3 weeks after losing my mum especially this time of year

LordTrash · 03/01/2018 09:30

They were fine, Time - it wasn't so much a party as a family gathering, and I wanted to be with my dc so felt I couldn't not go. But I mainly spent the evening lurking in a corner, nursing my glass of wine and watching them play cards.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 03/01/2018 10:06

Oh Lord.I'm.so.sorry for your loss.Losing a parent is hard enough however this time of year must magnify the loss.My heart goes out to you.

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