Oh dear...not the best Christmas really

[theluckiest]

DH loves Christmas. Adores it. Sadly, his dad (my lovely FIL) had a horrendous stroke a month ago. He seemed to be getting better (relatively. I mean, things were pretty bad). He was moved to a specialist stroke hospital a few weeks ago. But 3 days ago, he was admitted back to Critical Care and I really think tonight might be it.

He has been bleeding internally, they don't know where from. DH has been in touch with the hospital throughout the day. He called an hour ago and asked if they think he should go in (despite visitor hours closing at 8pm) and be with his dad. They've said he should. I think that's a pretty clear signal

They told him earlier that he's really not going to get better - we're under no illusions. MIL does seem to be in denial. She doesn't want to go to hospital to see him now. It's just so bloody sad.

I just feel so sad for DH. And FIl - a lovely, lovely man. Is it absolutely awful to hope he goes sooner rather than later because he's in such discomfort? He was such an active man - the stroke must have been so terrifying and frustrating for him. He'd hate all this.

I'm expecting a phone call any time if I'm honest. Sorry for posting, I don't really know where to put myself.

So sorry for your family to be going through this. ⚘

Oh gosh, that’s so dreadful. I’m so sorry. It’s an awful thing to go through and I can’t imagine how stressful it is right on Christmas.

Hugs, it's the worst time of year to be facing bereavement x

I'm sorry for you all at this time. Its a huge wrench to lose your dad and l wouldn't be even thinking about it being Christmas. There will be lots of more Christmases but tonight belongs to dh and his dad. I do understand your hope that he slips aways peacefully as watching him struggle is too much.

so sorry for your sadness.

Oh no, how difficult. I mean, it is always difficult to lose someone close to you, but somehow it is so much more difficult at Christmas.

I'm so sorry. One of my siblings has an in law who probably won't see the New Year either. Horrible time for all this to happen.

thoughts are with you!

That's awful for all of you. It's perfectly humane and kind to hope the suffering will end soon. Hugs to you and your DH.

So very sorry to hear this

Thank you for all your lovely messages. You're so right June, this night is for DH and his dad.

He wasn't going to go to the hospital as he was there this morning but in a way I'm glad he has. If FIL does go tonight, I think the guilt of not having been there would have been so awful.

God, it's bloody shitty this isn't it?

Apparently he's now stable but his blood pressure is all over the place. He's had several transfusions and I think his body is just packing it all in.

He's 75 and in the words of Tim Minchin, he's filled that body full of wine (and fags!) He didn't really believe in retiring or taking it easy either!!

Sending big hugs. We've literally just been through this with my FIL too. He'd been in decline for a while but got admitted last Monday. After trying courses of meds through the week he decided himself to stop taking them (we got a call to tell us this early hrs yesterday) despite starting to respond to them, so yesterday was spent at hospital waiting for the inevitable and sitting with him.

We didn't know how long it would take, so DH and I came home for a break as he'd been there since early hours only to get a call from my SIL saying he'd gone.

It's been a sad day but 3yr old DS has kept us going. Think the sadness will kick in properly next week when we have to start dealing with it all. Losing someone at xmas makes it just that little bit harder as all you see is people having fun with their families on social media.

You're not in the wrong to hope for FIL to go sooner rather than later.

When I found my now late DH and realised he had likely had stroke, I hoped two things: it would be such as he could have decent life, something like the one he had before, like a colleague of mine has, as near as I can judge. Or he would die. He always said just push me off a cliff if it all goes pear-shaped.

Back to you, theluckiest, glad to see your FIL has has had a full life.

Update - and we really didn't see this one coming Rather long, sorry.

So FIL stabilised. They still don't know where he was bleeding from (suspected stomach) but he's not at death's door at the moment so is being transferred back to a less high dependency unit.

MIL came to us on Christmas Day and we all had a really lovely time. Everyone on best behaviour (no arguments!!).

On the 27th, MIL's neighbour called DH to say that MIL was having chest pains but refused to go to hospital. DH practically bullied (in the nicest way) her into going. There was nothing too worrying but they kept her in overnight then sent her home with medication.

Sadly, DH had a phone call at 6am yesterday from SIL. MIL had a suspected heart attack and died early yesterday morning. She had called 999 but collapsed when they arrived. She must have known it was bad because she would normally call DH first.

It's knocked us completely for 6. Poor DH has to go to break the news to FIL today (he didn't go yesterday until we'd got the full story from police). We don't know if he will understand.

It's just so fucking, fucking awful. DH is very calm and seems ok. Although he can't practically do anything yet (don't die on a bank holiday weekend!!) until Tuesday. The coroner has to see MIL as it was a sudden death. I think it's pretty obvious = old lady in very poor health with heart & breathing problems.

It's very odd though - everything seems 'normal' but not IYSWIM. DH is really worried about paying for everything which I know sounds awfully callous. It's highly unlikely MIL had a will or funeral plan. Didn't have 2 pence to rub together and any money went on fags & booze. And with FIL incapacitated, there's no way of easily tracking paperwork. All very worrying.

So there you are. What a shit end to 2017.

How horrific

I'm so sorry for your loss. How awful for you

@theluckiest, sorry for your and your DH’s loss. As you say, a shit end to 2017. Take care.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Life can be so fucking shit sometimes. Wishing you and your husband and family strength.

How awful. I’m sorry for your loss, especially at this time of year.

💕

Much love xx

OP, That's awful I've just gone through a similar situation so I can sympathise, my mum had a stroke- she passed away in June. 2 weeks after her funeral, my Dad was rushed to hospital and diagnosed with Terminal Cancer, and died 4 weeks later. There is so much to do when dealing with what is left, bills, funerals etc. It's completely overwhelming and I still don't have everything sorted yet. X

Oh OP I'm so sorry to hear your update about your MIL. Wishing you a far better 2018 and the strength to get through next few months