Not sure what to do at Mother In Laws Funeral

[Loveagoodbook]

Ive had an awful year, lost my Mum who was only 62 a year ago then both of my Nans this year too.
Now my Mother in Law has passed away a couple of days ago after a short illness.
I feel sad for my children and husband, im ok, think i have my own personal grief going on.
My OH has asked if the funeral can go from our house, which im ok about, now his sister in law has said that i have to make teas for all the guests, she says there will be loads, as everyone will turn up at the house. All the funerals in the past i have been to, it has just been close family.
Now i have had the panic that my OH's ex will turn up, she has been really awful to me in the past. Its making me ill and panic with the thought at it. I just dont know what to do, i feel its wrong if i turn round and say we arent going from here, but on the other hand i cant cope with her coming into my house.

Unless it's an Irish rural funeral, people won't turn up at the house before unless they are family.

Trying to remember my mums, which was a huge Irish funeral, the only people at the house before where family who had arrived that morning on flights, and immediate family. So about 30 people, 10% of the congregation waiting at the church.

As a previous poster said, leave out teabags, sugar bowl, milk jug and spoons/mugs and people can help themselves. Maybe a plate of busiuts or cake. No one expects to be catered before.

I am in england and think your SIL is talking a load of tripe. I've not long since organised a funeral, the only people that left from my house were the immediate family that were travelling in the funeral cars. Everyone else met us at the crematorium. There was not one single person who turned up here beforehand unexpectedly. There were over 200 people at the crematorium so it wasn't as if it was a small family do.

What happened at the funerals for your mum and nans?

The only people who might be turning up beforehand are the ones that your SIL has been speaking to - time for DH to have a word with her and say that the only people expected are those travelling in the funeral director's cars. Everyone else is to meet for the service. No tea, no random people, no ex.

Icouldbeknitting

I agree.. I'm in Scotland.. Cremated family member just last week... and it was exactly as you describe... everyone met at the crematorium OP.... I believe your SIL is being way over zealous....

In my (working class south London) culture, whilst lots of people might turn up to the house In order to follow the hearse and family car, no one but the immediate family enters the house. Flowers are delivered to the house and laid outside for people to look at. There is no tea or coffee beforehand - the immediate family are left inside the house. Someone will alert them when the hearse is approaching and everyone will gather quietly. The hearse pauses, heads are bowed a few moments, flowers are loaded by the undertaker, the family get into the following car and everyone else scrambles for their own cars.
There are no 'before' refreshments. That would be considered rude to burden the family at such a time.

Thanks, it probably makes me sound awful, but its not what i want to be doing serving drinks to people, when i have a funeral to go to, its apparently what my OH family do, ive been with him 22 years and cant remember ever going a funeral with him where i had tea/coffee before the funeral. Also when my Mum and Nans had their funeral it was as people have said close family 4 cars following at the most. I dont want every Tom, Dick and Harry in my house, when i have an 8 year old DD to look after than needs her Mum at the moment after going to 3 other Nans funerals in a year. I want even consulted about havin the funeral going from mine, just told!! I just need to find the words to tell them all how im feeling. Thanks to you all for helping 🌷

its apparently what my OH family do, ive been with him 22 years and cant remember ever going a funeral with him where i had tea/coffee before the funeral

you don't remember because it didn't happen... your SIL is trying to be the BIG I AM.. at the Mothers funeral .. stop this in it's tracks now ...
you know it's Bullshit.. if she brings it up again.. tell her NO