Horrible...

[Hotpinkangel19]

I'm horrible. Yesterday I was sat on a bus with around 7 older people, 70s-80s, some with their daughters going Christmas shopping. I don't know why but I got really angry and upset - it should be my mum and dad on that bus together, or even me going shopping with my Dad like we used to. So much has changed this year and it's so unfair, both of my parents died within the last 6 months, I'm 34 and I was their only child ☹️ I'm nearly 38 weeks pregnant and I just want them back. I'm turning into a nasty person feeling this way about total strangers.......

I’m so sorry about your parents, that’s an incredibly tough year you’ve had.
I think it’s completely normal to feel resentment and a pang or jealousy that your parents aren’t here when others are. I have to remind myself that at least I was an adult when I lost my parents, how horrendous it must be to be a child and have had parents die - especially around Christmas time.

Good luck with your baby, I’m sure his/her arrival will be emotional in many ways

I could have written your message; I lost both my parents within 2 years recently and I’m also 34...I also found out I was pregnant with my first the day my dad died. I still find it hard going into marks and Spencer’s my mums favourite shop and have been known to cry when an old lady walks past. I find it really hard now when all my friends with babies talk about grandparents...but on the flip side I can really see my dad in my baby and even little personality traits like his stubbornness is just like dad! Sending you hugs I know it’s hard

You sound like a normal person to me

OP you have been through so much

My DF died 3 months ago from cancer. He was diagnosed 8 years ago and for most of that time he had a reasonable life, although the last year was tough. He was in his 80s and we were all grateful that we had that extra time with him. The other day I was talking to a friend whose parent was diagnosed with terminal cancer this year. Her parent had been given only a few months to live but after some palliative chemo that timeframe has been extended. I told her that was brilliant news, but inside I felt so jealous, even though I had had so many more years with my DF. It made me feel such a horrible person

Grief does strange things to us.

I'm sorry to hear you've had such an awful year 🌷

My lovely Dad died suddenly a few years ago. My parents were really looking forward to their Retirement, but it never happened. My Dad had 2 months left at work when he died. He had worked hard his whole life. It still makes me angry & upset when I see older couples and think 'That should be MY Mum & Dad'.

I try to put it in perspective and be grateful I was an adult when he died and that he was lovely. I have much to be thankful for. However, it really doesn't stop the pain, the sadness or the anger.

It's nearly Christmas, you're full of baby hormones, honestly, you're not horrible, you're perfectly normal. Sad & angry that your Mum & Dad aren't here to share this with you. (((Biggest Hugs))).

If only Santa could bring them back to all of us missing our loved ones xx

Thank you everyone and for sharing your stories - I'm sorry for your losses I am grateful that I've had time with them growing up, they were amazing parents. I'm hoping it gets easier as the time goes on x

xxx

I think it's a totally normal thought. My friend died last year, she was 34. I had a similar thought seeing old ladies shopping yesterday - anger that they have lived long lives and seen their children grow up, why couldn't they have died instead, they have had their time. It's an ugly thought. But not an unusual one, I don't think.

Don't beat yourself up on this, Hotpink, it's not as if you wished them dead, just your parents being not dead.

For some time after my DH died, I couldn't see middle-aged couples as anything other than dead men walking. As if they they were on a precipice. I've progressed a bit to merely being gnawingly envious.

Totally normal reaction, IMO. When my brother died young I went through a phase of hating old people, especially unhappy looking ones. It seemed perverse that they should live a long life, and not him. It's OK to be angry, even if from a totally objective perspective it could be considered unreasonable!