My Dad passed away early this morning.

[SleepFreeZone]

I just want to write it down.

He'd been ill for a long time, he was recently admitted to hospital and passed away early this morning. I can't seem to stop crying. We had quite a difficult relationship if I'm honest and yet I am totally devastated.

I am so sorry

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry for your loss. Our relationships with our parents can be such complicated things. We can love them utterly even if they're not always the easiest people to be around.

Don't try and stop the tears. It's all so fresh and new and raw so just go with your emotions.

sleepfree.
Your tears will be such a mix of emotions for you. Let them come.

That's exactly it. He definitely wasn't the easiest person to be around. I had the opportunity to hold his hand a few weeks ago and I didn't. Not because I didn't want to but because that wasn't what 'we' did. It felt wrong and fake and so I didn't. Now I wish I had.

I'm going to go and visit him at the undertakers and hold his hand there.

Oh I'm so sorry. Cry for as long as you need to, you can't cry too much for the loss of your Dad.

I'm so very sorry Sleep

I'm so sorry.

So sorry.

Be kind to yourself.

I wish I had said 'I love you' to my dad the last time I saw him. We weren't 'like that' though. But he knew, all the same.
When I saw my dad at the undertaker's, I tucked a little note into his pocket which said this. Perhaps you could write it down that you wish you had held his hand? It made me feel better.

GreenTea I love that idea, thank you.

That is a lovely idea Greentea.

I'm so sorry about your dad.

That is a lovely idea. I lost my Mum around a Mothers Day, and I put her card in with her. It did make me feel a bit better, like I'd sent her a little message of love.

I wrote the letter last night and I think it helped me.

Thinking of you today SleepFree. Sending a huge non-Mumsnetty hug. I'm so glad you wrote the letter.

I like the idea of the letter, too. I lost both parents quite close together, and even when you know it is coming it is still a blow. Take your time to grieve. If he was ill he is now free of pain and suffering. Live each day a little for him and remember the good things not the difficult ones. You know that you did love him after all.

Hello Sleep - just do what you have to do! Go and see your Dad, put the message in his pocket, and do as much crying as you want. There is no right or wrong way. Please look after yourself.
Is your mum around, or do you have any siblings...?

Really sorry to read this Sleep. Love and strength

Thinking of you today OP. X

Thanks for the continued thoughts ❤️

I'm ok thank you. The cremation and subsequent burial is going to be in January. I'm not sure when I can visit him in the undertakers yet but the latter is already in his coat pocket along with some other things like photos etc.

How are you lovely?