Lost mum, Anxiety, depression anyone?

[Sazzierose]

Hello ,

So i lost my mum around three years ago now and since then i just haven't been the same, my social life and hobbies have slowly declined. I feel everyone i speak to doesnt like me or i always say the wrong thing. Since her passing i have become very open and honnest and i am scared its making me be bitter. She passed away when i was 21 and was always their for me emotionally. I also lost my father two years before her. I have my son and partner, and friends but I don't feel my friends get me they don't know this side to me as i hide it well i think. I want to know isnit me ? i always see things different to what everyone else does. I have recently been the doctors and confessed slight depression and anxiety but i felt i wasnt really heard she was a stand in doctor and said i needed councilling for bereavement which i agree but she said i needed to do a self refferal but the number she gave me to call doesnt work. So i've not tried since. Any advice from people with depression or anxiety would be brilliant.

Few things i have at the moment..

Feelings of worry most times
Always tired
No energy
Comfort eating
Stressed
lonely
Migraines
Heart palpatations

Hi Sazzie,

It sounds like you have clear depression/anxiety, not slight! Go and see a doctor again - I would advise bringing that list with you, in case you forget anything. You don't need to suffer like this. The incorrect number on the counselling referral made me sigh with recognition. I was referred to my local counselling service whose administrative incompetence had me tearing my hair out. Not what we need in hard times, is it?

I lost my lovely little brother three years ago. Grief is supposed to hurt, and it can be hard to spot it slipping into depression. I'd say it's a fine, subjective line between the two. On one level I know his loss will always hurt, and the world has lost a bit of it's shine. But I also think that we have a right to live our lives, and when I stopped sleeping I knew something had to be done. You've got a lot to be unhappy about, you've lost both of your parents in quick succession, but you also have a right to live your life. It sounds like you're really suffering, but help is out there, and on here. Please keep posting if it helps to talk.

Hi sazzerose.I'm so sorry for your losses.You are so young too.Luckily for me I'm 50 however I've been suffering to with palpitations anxiety and arm pains all this year on and off.I may see this week if I can get referred for counselling too.My df died in September and I find this time of year hard.Look after yourself.xx

Hi @Sazzierose
I too lost my mum three years ago on the 23rd December 2014. I too have struggled massively since then and put on a front so other people believe I am coping when in fact I’m struggling and barely coping.

I too have anxiety and depression and believe it has got worse since my mum passed away. I did undertake some counselling but didn’t feel it was the right time for me however I am thinking about referring myself as I genuinely am not coping and have been struggling for the past three years just putting a front on. If you want to message me please do as it would be nice to speak to someone who knows what I’m going through. Sending you my best wishes and thoughts xx

Hi @LuckyBitches

Thankyou for your reponse.

Sorry to hear about your brother. Its very hard to pluck up the courage to talk to someone and realise that its not ok to feel like this and issues like that just make it harder. I hope you are ok and now have the support you need.

I did previously make a list , and took it with me but the stand in doctor was filling in at the surgery and didnt really know what to do for me to be honest, other than this self refferal via telephone. Thats probably the process, and not her fault. Iam new to something like this, if i have ever been down previously i would talk to my mum or friends and that would work, but I don't feel comfortable now. I will aim to give the number a call, my son is 6 and between working full times, house work and life itself i kinda put myself on the back burner. I will be fine, i just know at some point i need to get this help. Some days are brilliant but then some days i just can't handle much without getting worked up.

Thankyou for your time. 😊

( sorry about the late response i didnt realise i had reaponses )

Hello @whatisforteamum

Sorry to hear about your loss.

I do hope you are also taking care of yourself. Anxiety is awful. I never realised it was a 'thing' until i realised the symptoms and googled it. I think we both need a big kick up the bottom to get some help for us both. Please continue to reach out for the help you need. This time of year is very hard, especially when its about family. Take care of yourself and get some pain relief for your arm if you don't already have. 😊

Take care. Thankyou for your response.

Hi @Hjb2410

Sorry to hear about your loss, three years on and its still as fresh as ever eh? I do hope you are ok it sounds like you need some support too. Its good that you are talking about it i suppose thats the major step, admitting that there is something not quite right and then seeking some form of help.

I do find is so much more easier offering support to someone else- its just a shame I don't support myself in the same way.

They say it gets better, but i think your learn to be braver, put on a better front and carry on with your life in your own way. Its still there in the background waiting to go off whenever it decides to. And a trigger can be anything. I empathise will you all, i never thought it was going to be this hard.

Ever since mum passed i have lost all career motivation, now i am quite happy going to work whereas before i wanted a career. Now all i seem to want to do is be at home with my family.

I hardly speak to friends- ha if i didnt have Facebook i wouldn't know what friends were!

They are supportive but just don't know the full extent and to be honnest i feel like if i explained myself secretly they would be thinking( is she still not over it yet). And they probably have enough problems of their own.

I admit not all days are down but even if its not a down day , i still have anxiety and forever have a feeling of worry when theres probably nothing to worry about at all. The over thinking mind is always ticking and interpreting how things will play out.

I appreciate your time guys💗 It means alot.

When i saw the reponses today, i gave a sigh of relief, that its not just me being silly.

I lost my beautiful loving mum when I was 29. I was very sad and cried a lot for a while but it did slowly get better after a couple months. It'sbeen 8 1/2 years now. I do occasionally get sad or teary about her but I also have happy monents where I feel happy remembering her.

The fact that you are losing friends and hobbies over this after three years does sound like depression to me. I think that some therapy could help you handle your feelings in a way that interfears less with your daily and social life. Of course you will always miss her and thats fine but you do need to deal with it in a way that helps you get back on track emotionally.

Take care

I lost my lovely Mum three months ago. I’ve felt ‘different’ ever since. I find it hard to cope with every day things, I’ve got no energy or enthusiasm, I’ve put on weight as I’ve been comfort eating and I can’t get over the feelings of guilt.

I’ve been lucky as I’ve never suffered from anxiety or depression so I can’t help there but I wanted to offer a hand hold. Take care of yourself

So sorry for your loss, OP, and everyone else.

My mum died nearly 4 weeks ago. I am an only child and my dad died many years ago. I have not yet cried. Been outwardly calm (very unlike me). Just dealt with so much crap, and sorted everyone out and trying to do the practical and financial stuff and make sure my husband and children are alright. I just feel scared, sheer terror at times. Like there is now no safe place, no home, no one there for me. I am in my mid 50s and saw or spoke to my mum every single day of my life, not sure what to do now. There is no longer anyone left who knew me as a child. And in many ways, because of that, I feel dead too. I want to go home, but there is no home to go to. And I have every symptom in every medical dictionary. I understand, OP, and wish you well.

Sorry for hijacking.

Being a young but grown-up "orphan" isn't fun. Maybe do another attempt with the self-referral procedure? Can you perhaps talk to your partner's mum, not as a "stand-in mum" but rather as someone who has more life experiences and might herself have had similar losses? Could be worth an attempt.

Can’t believe what people are describing on here, it is like reading about me. OP I lost my mum 5 years ago, and my eldest sister passed away this year. Like a PP said, I spoke with both of them every single day. Like you OP I have been putting on a front all this time. I experience most of your list. I’m taking antidepressants and just started counselling.

I think that this time of year magnifies feelings. I’m certainly struggling at the moment.

Sorry for all your losses