Feel nothing

[lonelymelissa]

My beautiful DM died unexpectedly 3 days ago. I am an only child and we had a wonderfully close relationship. However, I feel nothing. I have not shed a tear. Nothing. It's as if my emotions have been turned off. I see my DD and my DH upset and feel so sad for them, but I feel nothing myself. Yet I am terrified that soon the floodgates will open and I will be out of control. I have to look after my other children and make sure life goes on for them (they have special needs) and support my DD and DH. I am just so scared.

I’m sorry for your loss. Your DH and Dc will be able to support you when you are ready to grieve- it’s early days yet. Be patient.

Sorry for your loss. Understandable you sound in shock. Take each day as it comes, try not to take on too much. Look after yourself. CRUSE Bereavement can help with counselling. Best wishes.

You've had a nasty shock, and are feeling numb. A totally normal reaction. Other feelings will come when you're ready.

I'm sorry about your mum.

Sorry about your mum Melissa.

You are numb right now, but it will come. Something will catch you unawares, but try not to worry - it's normal, it's human, it's a natural part of grief. Arm yourself with plenty of kleenex and when it comes, just go with it. You are allowed to cry and be sad, there's nothing to be afraid of.

What you are feeling is perfectly natural, there is shock in a sudden death and that takes time to process. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. Your time may not be for weeks or even months. Don't let anyone tell you what you should be feeling, there is no "should" in this process.

Thank you everyone. Funeral tomorrow. Still scared but also angry. No tears.

It's very natural. When my dad died ì felt the same as you - as if my emotions had been switched off. It's almost like a coping mechanism. Before Dad died I used to think families were so brave and so strong at funerals then I realised no it's a numbness.

Your grief and tears will come.

It took me two months after my father died to seek bereavement counselling. I was able to talk about him in a safe space, and slowly it helped unlock quite a lot of complex emotions and most importantly help me to process them.

Bereavement is a very individual and personal experience that seems to require some sort of public performance. I hated that. It's ironic, isn't it, that that very personal thing isn't a particularly private experience.

I wish you well for tomorrow

My advice for the funeral is to have a cloth hankie rather than a paper one because it doesn't shred when you mangle it.

My father passed away suddenly and my sister was like you op until his funeral when the coffin was taken out of the car and dh broke down.

We were all outside at the time and I will never ever forget hearing her crying when everyone else was silent.

It was utterly heartbreaking and she was trying her best to stop.

Its been 13 years and I have tears in my eyes just writing this. She was only 18 at the time.

We all deal with grief in different ways so go easy on yourself and I'm so sorry for your loss x

I was like that with my step-m, myheart. I saw a bit of my dad die too, that day, when the coffin arrived.

So sorry for everybodies losses....

Nearly a month on and no tears or tantrums. Dealt with everything, even the fact the vicar did not turn up for the funeral. Nor did many people at all. My husband and adult children have cried and going through the grieiving process...I am just dealing with the practical things and starting the probate process.

I feel dead. I feel so so sad, and so so alone. Most of all I feel scared. I haven't told anyone how I feel because there aren't words, and also because I need to support everyone else. But a hundred times a day I think "I must tell my mum this" or "oh I better go and see my mum this afternoon"...and then realise I can't.

Funeral parlour rang up today, did I want her ashes bought home? No, I don't. I just want to go to bed and not think of anything.

Do you always support everyone? What do you think would happen if you needed support?

I once broke down, years ago and sooo angry told my DM and BF that I was tired and that I supported everyone and no one supported me. They pointed out that I never asked. And I acted liked I never needed anyone.

You are allowed to not cope sometimes.

Sorry for your loss

You may well struggle for a while yet. Maybe when others have moved through the first stages of their grief, you will feel safe to let go.

You were blessed with a lovely mother, and are a lovely mum to your family.

Be patient. Talk to someone if you can- cruse, gp, DH.

Everyone grieves differently.

I loved my dad, but did not grieve the loss of him (13 years ago), I saw him every day and we had a great relationship and I think this is part of why I didn't grieve - there was no guilt, nothing unsaid, no bad vibes between us. I miss him, but I didn't grieve how I expected. It was bearable.

Having said this, I had lost my daughter to cancer some years before and I really did lose the plot and still grieve for her every day.

Sorry, I didn't add that I'm so sorry for your loss. Take it one day at a time.

Thank you, everybody. I am a foster carer and so looking after others is what I do. It also means, of course, that I have to keep home life really calm and positive.