feeling so desperately sad for my df

[mamatres]

who i heard from today, she is 36 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday her baby has died. she has to be induced tomorrow and deliver normally though she did ask if she could have cs and they said its best not to. just feel so gutted for her, it never occured to me this happens at such a late stage so close to being full term. her bags were packed, nursery all ready, cot all made up. its so so sad that she will have to go through all labour, birth and then the funeral of her darling baby who she will never really have. how do people get through this? what the hell causes this to happen? no idea how i would cope.

My thoughts are with your friend x

I lost my first son at 30 weeks and although he isn't with us, he is every bit as precious as our other 3 sons.

Keep her baby's memory alive. Too many people think that after a few weeks you should be 'over it' and stop mentioning the baby (I experienced this) but her baby is still her child even though they can't be together. You sound like a very special friend who will be there for her, that is exactly what she needs right now. x

hi ladies

thank you all so much, you are all very special, the way you have spoken about such tragedy in your own lives to try and help others has been really touching.

well, i spoke to my friend today- i called her as didnt want her to think anyone was avoiding her (i thought if she doesnt want to talk she can always tell me to leave me alone). the birth went as well as could have been expected. and a quick induced labour with little in way of drugs. in the end he, a little boy, was born weighing 5 lbs (so a good weight) with dark hair and looking at peace. they have named him Archie. she said the midwives were amazing and that obv helped alot. they didnt take photos as wanted to remember him as he was though they cast his tiny hands and feet, and the hospital took some photos so they can get them at a later date if they change their mind. it seems as though the whole thing was handled with a great deal of dignity and respect which makes it so much kinder for all concerned.

unfortunately, they are having to have a Post Mortem to try and find out what went wrong as there was nothing immediately apparent at time of birth and they have taken bloods from my friend for testing as they want to have more babies at some point.

i mentioned to my df that i have posted on here and she was touched that so many of you have responded. i am going to pass your email address to her ValnBen if thats ok, i think shhe intends to contact you.

thank you all once again, you have been wonderful.

Oh mamatres

I have no words.

I am thinking of them.
xxx

Hi mamatres ? so glad things went as good as they could be in such terrible circumstances.
So, so relieved that the hospital took photos anyway ? It?s amazing/or maybe alarming what you think at the time and what you want later.
I did not want to see Alex when he was first born ? suppose I didn?t want to see what I was missing (if that make sense??) denial maybe? But, about 1 hour later I did want to see him more than anything in the world. I guess the staff are used to this and Alex was brought to me ?all clean and dressed ? within minutes.

I am more than happy for you or your friend to contact me at anytime. Or not if that's what is decided.

val_anderson2 at hotmail(dot) com

Love to all - especially Archie and his mummy and daddy xxx

thanks Valnben, just emailed you and copied it to my friend so she has your email address.

I have just read all of the messages with tears in my eyes. I feel so sad for your friend. This must be the worst thing that could happen to any mum-to-be. I have no idea how I would cope.