terminal cancer

[readinginbed]

my sister's husband is very ill not long left. i'm trying to cope. we both have young babies. she is falling apart. anyone out there?

how awful. not sure what to say but wanted to send hugs x

thank you. just sitting here on my own at the moment can't go to bed. funny but it makes me feel good to tell someone

dont know what to say but I wanted to let you know i am thinking about you . I am sure someone will be along soon who can offer some advice .

we've only just found out so it's the shock that makes it so hard to deal with at the moment. death is so unexpected. i'm so shocked that this is happening to me, to my loved ones

i understand. i lost my dad when i was in secondary school. not the same i know as being a baby, but my younger brother was 8 and my sister 9. my dad had various cancers and was given a year to live when diagnosed. he only made it to 10 months. when he was ill, he made a video and wrote letters to my brother and sister, so that they would have some memories of him and so they would have an idea of what kind of a man he was. i know it has helped them.

how terrible for you all. I hope that you can find ways to support her through this.

how old are the babies?

so sorry to hear this, can't find the right words but thinking of you and your poor sis.

How terrible for your friend.Has she got access to any McMillan support? www.McMillan.org.uk.Also Cancerbackup have a website and freephone number for support.www.cancerbackup.org.uk.

You sound like a very good friend.I am sure the fact that you are there for your friend is greatly appreciated by her.

Meant to add that these organisations will offer counselling etc.

So sorry to read that readinginbed. I hope that someone comes along tonight to offer some comfort. How sad for you all

Sorry,sister (Too much vino,sorry)

You have a double role here because you are not only struggling with the situation yourself but you are trying to be strong for your sister too. You need support as well perhaps from someone who is a friend rather than a family member so you can express your true feelings rather than trying to be brave for your sister.

If he is strong enough it may be a good idea if your sister's husband was able to write (or dictate) messages for his young baby. If he is too weak to do this ensure that your sister has said everything she needs to say to him. Even if you can't be 100% sure he can hear everything she will feel better knowing that things didn't go unsaid.

You will all find the strength to deal with this. Each day will be difficult but try to break everything into 'do-able' chunks rather than looking at the whole sad situation. Take one day at a time and don't be afraid to break down and cry. Make sure you get lots of hugs and spend time with your baby too.

Also don't feel guilty that its not happening to you (if you know what I mean)

Sorry about the ramble. I can't quite put into words what I want to say. Basically that you WILL cope because really it's all you can do...

just woke up and got all your messages. thank you so much, even though i don't know you it helps. My sister's baby is 16 months, mine is 8 months. thank you for the idea about the video i think that's really good

Just picked up this thread - I hope I'm not too late - my son died of cancer aged 3 last June and it's beyond words what you are all facing.

Tell her to try and treasure every second, every moment they have left together. You all have to find some sort of peace .....a sort of acceptance that you can't change things however much you want to and that it's time to let them go and be spared the physical pain. I don't know how else to say this - prepare her that the end may be tough and somehow she must hold it together and reassure her dh when the time comes.

What else can I say...he will live on in your hearts forever.

macmilaln (wrinkly it has an extra a )

Macmillan are fab and can also help with things like grants if finances are ahrd, of course he probably already has access- but even if there's no macmillan nurse in your area they can still help and their site is full on info / people in a similar position.

My love goes out to you all, it must be a really hard time for all the family, although especially your sister.

Galmum how terrible

my family was plagued byn leaukaemia when I was a child and I've seen what these horrid illnesses can do to people and I really wish there was something practical i could do to help either of your familles.

Do remember Macmillan- used to work fro them (fundraising not nurse) and they really are in a place to help, even if its just replacing the washing amchine, paying aprking fee's or for a few days away together to amke some meories. Do you ahev a video camera, or does she?

Hi readinginbed.....im in the same awful place as your sil

my dh was diagnosed with terminal cancer of the osophagus brain and bone last november and was given 3-6 months to live.....we have a beautiful dd who is now 9 months old...it is one of those things that happen to everybody else does ur sil in law have support...we have been overwhelmed by the imput...dh has have the max radiotherapy possible but we were to that was just for symptonm control...we have the most wonderful team
district nurses
the best gp you could wish for
macmillan nurse
mac o/ts
herriot hospice homecarers
and herriot sitters
everything we have needed we have got within a day dh is now hardly out of bed so has a wonderful electric bed....dd uses as a slide mummy holds her and daddy presses up n down!
your sil dc will get here through this i never believed it to start but now she brings a constand joy to the house....dont be scared for support the nurses etc have become more like friends and arew there to support the whole family includin you..take care x

should say dont be scared to ask for support...sorry dd is trying to pinch the laptop off me so writing one handed !

just wanted to say how sorry I am to all of you who have lost/are losing loved ones through cancer

my dad had it, I think it affects almost everyone directly or indirectly

hugs and thoughts to you all

xxx

my dh has a brain tumour. we've been told only 1 year to live, then possibly 5-10 years (inconclusive biopsy result). He's currently midway through his radiotherapy and chemo. We have 2 children - 4 yrs and 9 months. He is actually doing ok - there are no physical symptoms of the tumour right now - and we are trying to stay really really positive. But knowing his life will be so shortened is beyond description. I can't offer anything, readinginbed, other than to say I'm another one out here in this awful place. I guess we will all get through it. Have to for the sake of the children. But knowing I will probably have to witness their grief, whilst being heartbroken myself, is tearing me apart. tomatosauce, I am so sorry you are going through this but glad you are getting the support you need.

wishingchair i cant relate to how awful you must both be feeling,but you do have my utmost sympathy in this situation.There is another lady on here who has very similar situation to you maybe she will be able to offer you any advice.

readinginbed, tomatosauce and wishingchair - so sorry to read of this. readinginbed I hope the response you have had will help you to see that you can come on to this site for support and companionship in the weeks and months to come. I know of at least two other regular posters on mumsnet who have faced this problem - it's just that they are around more in the day so probably haven't yet seen your thread.

Mumsnet is a good place to find support, I hope you stick around.