Counselling

[itsmeofcourse]

I lost my DM when I was a teenager, 11 years ago, I didn't properly grieve at the time but ever since losing her I keep getting bad bouts of depression which I think is due to internalising my grief.
I started counselling a couple of weeks ago, after the first counselling session I felt like it was constructive and was looking forward to the future but after my most recent session I feel like nothing is going to help and I'm always going to be broken from losing her. Losing my DM was the worst pain I have ever been through and even now I cannot see a way past it, it feels like the lid has been taken off my grief and the depth of it terrifies me. The more I think about it, the more it hurts and it overwhelms me. I'm tempted to stop counselling and just shut it away again but I know I'll still keep getting depression from it being bottled up inside.
Has anyone been for counselling for grief - does it really get "worse" before it starts to get better?

I haven't had counselling for grief in particular. However, I do know that actually stopping to examine in therapy something that you've been burying is a huge, frightening leap. So yes, it does have to get "worse" before it gets better. You're doing something very brave.

I've had Counselling and it does get worse before it gets better, when I had it turned out I'd not dealt with a previous issue. Now I feel soo much better, turns out I'd been un happy for a VERY long time. Stick with it, it'll be worth it

Thank you so much for your replies. I just need to see this bit through I guess, I didn’t really know what to expect from the counselling.
User, glad you’re feeling better now!

It is quite natural to feel scared if you have been putting your grief on the back burner for a while. Most people think 'Oh my god! how big could this thing get on its own?' It can feel like opening Pandora's Box. People just have to bury it to function normally at a difficult time. You have to tell yourself that you have had the strength to hold it for a while and releasing a bit will make it lighter still. Yes; you may explode in anger, frustration, tears etc. Your counsellor will have seen that all. I don't think you have shown your true humanity until you have done a full snot during a session :) Yes the process is gnarly and will surprise you. The counsellor will be trying to see it from your point of view - but you are in control of how you use your sessions.

Why not ring you counsellor before the next session to tell them where you are up to right now? Some weeks are harder than others.

You do yourself a disservice if you leave before your grief is fully sounded. And sometimes saying it out load makes it feel somehow smaller.

Good luck on your journey.

Thanks @itsmeofcourse I hope you find yourself in a better place soon xoxo

I had counselling with cruse about 8 months after mum died, it helped a bit. I've recently started private counselling and tonight what it all came down to is losing mum, over 5 years ago now. I've buried it so deep, sounds like you've done the same, though you've buried it for longer.

Its just so hard and so sad. You know you wont get your mum back but you may learn ways to deal with this better and be able to move forward a bit in your life.

hugs for you op, you are young and you lost your mum when you were so young, I'm so very sorry, its a loss that goes right to your very soul xx

Hi I lost my mum in may and I went back to work the day after the funeral so I don't think I have taken it in that she's not with us anymore I thought it be be easier if I kept every day life the same and it would be better for me but the past month I have felt very down not wanted to go out of the house so I have tryed to get councillor but I'm not sure if that is the right path or not ?

Counselling is all about unpacking the painful stuff that you are struggling to deal with on your own, and have often been burying for a long time. So yes, it usually gets "worse" before it gets better - but if anything the fact that you feel worse is a sign it's helping rather than the opposite.

Be gentle with yourself after sessions; practice good self care.