Worried about DH

[PoorDH]

I've namechanged as I don't know who knows who I am on here.

DH's mum died in May after being ill for 18 months.

Of course he's devastated but he is also being very hard on himself. To my knowledge he has only cried once (he may have cried in private though). He is quite grumpy and generally sad but will not connect his current mood to the fact his mum has died. He says he 'shouldn't be feeling like this' or 'using it as an excuse to feel sorry for myself'.

I know he loved his mum and watching her die was horrible (we were there when she went and I almost feel he needs to get over that experience itself). His family is very middle class and don't 'do' emotions compared to mine (who frankly 'overdo' emotions).

I asked him if he wanted to go to bereavement counselling but he said he doesn't want to talk about it... but it's making him feel shit anyway!!

Can I help? Any advice?

Hi PoorDH, sorry to hear about your mother-in-law's death, it must have been very hard for you and your DH. In my experience men don't like to show emotions and tend to have a get-on-with it attitude, so it may be the same for your DH? Has he any close male friends he could talk to, ones you know well enough to maybe suggest privately they could have a chat with him? Then it wouldn't feel like formal counselling. Once again, sorry for your loss

I'm sorry for your loss, PoorDH

In the end, people can only find their own way. I am not being disparaging, but he sounds a bit stiff upper lip. You can only continue to encourage him to make the connection. If his grumpiness begins to affect your daily life together, that's a different matter.

For myself I've been ready for counselling twice since my DH died last year, but in each case the moment has passed. On the other hand, I have no difficulty in expressing my feelings.

All the best.

Thanks for the messages. You're right Echt he is the 'stiff upper lip' type.

I suppose it's just a process and he'll have to deal with it how he can.

He's not being horrible with it. It's just a bit of a struggle.