Dad's first anniversary today

[iammargesimpson]

My parents divorced when I was 16, dad remarried and was in very sporadic contact with myself and three brothers over the years, disowned us all at various points due to mh issues. He had a good family life with his new wife, her four children and grandchildren. We spoke before he died and made our peace with each other. Despite everything his death hit me hard. His stepdaughter has posted on fb today pics of him and how much she misses him. There is a mass at the weekend for him that I will attend, don't know about my brothers (two are atheists), I have asked them, no response. I feel incredibly sad that my dad's new family can feel so open about how they miss him, like I'm not entitled to feel upset as we weren't in contact, what is that all about?!
Genuinely didn't expect to feel so upset today. No one I know has acknowledged it, not dh, family and I feel almost like I can't mention it. can anyone else identify with this?

Anyone?

Hi OP, I can't identify with the situation as a whole as I was in contact with my dad when he died. However, I can identify with feeling very differently to how I expected and struggling to express it. My brother is very open and direct with his feeling and seemed to go through all of the grieving emotions in one go where as I struggled to express or even truly experience my grief... all I can say is that boobs a grief is the same and you can't help how you feel. You are entitled to how you feel (as are your step siblings). I found talking, even briefly, to a grief counsellor really helped as did writing letters to my dad... it just helped me to focus my feelings and sort out what I was feeling. Sorry for your loss x

oh dear typos... no-ones grief not boobs a grief (I can only say that I'm 12 weeks pregnant and boobs is clearly a word I use a lot in the pregnancy forums).

Thanks Lisa and sorry for your loss and congrats on your pregnancy. I feel much better now that the first anniversary and the mass have been and gone. I went to a counsellor about it all a few years ago and worked through a lot of emotions in relation toy dad and our non relationship. There's been a lot of sadness for a long time, when he died I guess it was the realisation that it was the end for us and we had no more chances left. a grief counsellor sounds like a good idea, thanks.

@iammargesimpson just be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you do... it's so easy to second guess every thing. good luck x