Messages. Anyone?

[bangingmyheadoffabrickwall]

My friend has very recently died. People talk about messages they get from their loved ones as signs. I wasn't getting anything whereas others were. I felt left out and started to question how much she cared about me, even though a mutual friend told me that she did and now 'she' had been given the task to 'look out for me'.

I felt guilty as it is because I didn't get the chance to tell her how much I cared and loved her and that I miss her. I miss her words of wisdom - yeah, even her stubbornness!

But just now I was listening to some music when up popped my voicemail message. I clicked into it - and there was nothing. My child's toy walkie talkie started to make noise randomly a couple of hours ago. That I didn't think much of until I received the voicemail. Now I am beginning to wonder.

Are signs just a silly way of minds playing tricks when grief is raw? I always sit on the fence with these sort of things as it is but the voicemail message, though nothing there, has got me thinking.

I never received any messages from a vey close friend who died recently. But I think we had shown one another how much we cared before she died and there was nothing more we needed to say. I knew she loved me and I loved her. I miss her terribly but I think love is like a vibration and you keep on experiencing it after death in a completely non-supernatural way.

I do not for a moment think there are signs. There is just a huge space and we desperately try to fill it to stop it being so raw and hurting so.

I think I am desperate for a message from her. Anything as long as she gives me some comfort.

I have no experience with grief. I find it physically painful at times. My mum knew it would hit me hard. I didn't. I really didn't. My head is a mess with confusion, anger, sorrow ...

It's horrible. I felt so lousy I signed up to do a half marathon for the hospice where my friend died, on the basis that feeling physically sore would be a kind of relief from feeling that awful empty sadness and anger at the wasted years.

I know how you feel.

I think you're right in that your mind will play tricks on you - it's hard to accept someone simply ceases to exist and there is nothing more.

If thinking random things are signs and it gives you comfort, just go with that idea.

Thank you Buzzkillington today a butterfly visited. Not a random fly by. It flew by the window of my French doors several times, rested on the pane outside before flying round the garden frantically and around us - me and my little daughter. She was in total awe! It was surreal.

A couple of hours later it came back. I was sitting by the window in my garden room when 'she' came back. She flew so close back and forth and disappeared into the trees.

Plus I keep getting these 'new voicemail messages' but there isn't anything there! Nothing!