actual effects of grief on your life

[sippysoppy]

9 months in and in some ways am feeling the worst yet after losing my brother, the tiredness and the pains in my chest are back and I've started to re-live all the bad bits of his death again. I realise it's a long haul but when people say they took years to come to terms with a death, what happens in the rest of your life? I'm finding it very difficult to sustain relationships and friendships and especially work, I feel my life is falling apart and wonder what has actually happened to others on a practical level? is it better to try to keep going?

I am so sorry for everyone's losses.
It is over a year since I lost my son.
Here I am again, unable to sleep, can't stop thinking about him.
I miss him so much. I cry every day, but I am getting better at hiding it.
I feel as if my life has just unraveled.
Friendships have changed.
Relationships have changed.
My health is deteriorating.
I don't think anything in life will ever be the same.
I will never be the person I was.
I just get through one day at a time.

One day at a time is the only way to deal with it endof.

It is 10 months since my DD died and I am still going through a lot of 'firsts'. Last week I unexpectedly found myself in the Church where we held DD's funeral. It was the first time I'd been in there since the day we buried her. One of the hyms at the service was a hymn we sang at DD'd funeral and I had to try and hold it together as I was in charge of a load small children.

Then next week is DD's birthday - the first one when she won't be with us. I want to get some special flowers for her grave but not sure I'm feeling strong enough to go into the local florist and have that conversation - although she is a lovely lady and will probably just give me a big hug. We are also in the process of arranging DDs memorial stone as I would like it in place before Christmas. Choosing the wording is so hard.

I am actually more weepy now that I was a few months ago. I'm trying to get my life back on track by thinking about getting a job but I'm not convinced I'm ready for that - my head is telling me yes, I'm bored and need to fill my time but my heart just isn't in it.