My darling Dad just died after a lot of suffering.......how will I expect to feel this week as I never lost a close family member and have little support

[whatisforteamum]

Just that really.I feel relieved just now as he suffered a lot the last six weeks.When will it hit me and when is best to arrange to get my hair done and clothes for the funeral....sooner or later or will I feel worse as the week goes on.Thanks for the advice and I know everyone copes differently.I have a coat and trousers in black in preparation.:(

Sorry for your loss

Everyone deals with grief differently. I found it was after the funeral that was when it hit me that my loved one was gone. Best advice I was given is to just acknowledge what you feel at the time.

I'm so sorry OP I lost my dad two years ago and those days after his death are a bit of a blur. I was in practical mode, as you are, making sure I had appropriate clothes for his funeral. As well as helping to arrange his funeral of course. I remember feeling relieved that his suffering was over. I remember feeling sad, but wanting to get back to normal as soon as possible.

Then about 6 months after he died, it really hit me. I struggled over Christmas too and I just really really missed him. I never stop missing him, but some times are harder than other times. In my experience it got harder before it got easier. But it does get easier.

Just look after yourself OP. Eat well and rest. Don't be afraid to cry. Hugs to you xx

My experience was much like Newtown's. My dm had such s hard last year, and consequently so did I, that when she died it felt sort of like relief. Plus, dealing with the practicalities kept my mind occupied. However as the months went by and the horror of her last years faded I started to miss her more and more. I'm told that after a year it tends to get better, after all the first anniversaries have come and gone.

So sorry for the loss of your darling dad OP

Take it one day at a time and do whatever you feel up too.
Everyone experiences and deals with grief differently. What you hear and see others going through won't reflect how you're feeling at any given time and how you feel will change hour by hour or day by day.

Personally, when I lost my mom, I felt numb, like it was happening to someone else and I was just a bystander. I know now that it was shock and natures way of helping me cope with arranging the funeral and sorting her personal affairs and was completely normal even though I was dealing with her loss differently to my siblings and I felt guilty I wasn't grieving like they were.

Look after yourself OP. Do what ever you feel up to, whether that's going and getting your hair done or shutting yourself away for a while. There's no right or wrong.

Thinking of you.

Oh my haircut was for the funeral BTW Dad always nagged he hated my long hair xx

How are you OP? X

Hi OP, I'm sorry for your loss. When will it hit you? Everyone is different. When my brother died it hit me in stages, with lots of highs and lows between. It was a truly mad time. I would echo with what others have said: allow yourself to feel what you feel in the moment (yes you are allowed happy moments!), including crying as much as you need. it's good for you.

Another who agrees with what's been said - there is no right, wrong or normal. You really do just need to go with it and not be afraid to feel your emotions whether it's crying, anger, numbness, laughter, whatever.

I'm so sorry for your loss xxxx

When my mum died after 2 years of illness and a terrible final month I felt a lot of things in those first few weeks.

Relief that she wasn't suffering anymore and also that it was all over now if I'm honest.

Sadness
Anger, why her, why not someone older or who didn't take care of themselves?

I cried lots and spoke about her a lot which helped.

I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you're ok

Hi there thank you all.I felt OK for 2 days as his last few weeks had been dreadful with being unable to walk constant pain and once GED weeping legs then it went to his brain and he became child-like.The last few days were beyond hard.
Then someone sent a pic on social media which made me cry.Then the next day I woke up and started to properly cry on for a few minutes.I've been in practical mode helping Mum with chores and ringing people and looking for flowers and clothes etc.TBH I'm much better than I expected and my previous anxiety attacks have lessened.
Bizzarely I think the last decade on and off of Mums then Dads cancer fights have hit me harder.
The funeral is two weeks from when he died.
That will hit me hard.....seeing the hearse and flowers and my brothers and sisters as we don't normally see each other and I know the tears will flow.
People have said fantastic things about him genuinely heartfelt saying what a kind gentleman he was.
I return to work next week. I will see how I go.

Ems137 I guess your Mum was a lot younger than my dear Dad.It is a consolation he was in his mid 70s and had had a full life even if he spent 5 yrs battling cancer.I am sorry for your loss x