Doing a reading at a funeral

[Oysterbabe]

My mum's funeral is next Thursday. As well as the fact that we'll be too emotional, we are a family of introverts and just cannot speak in public. I feel quite strongly that a couple of us should say something though. My sister has agreed to say a few words and I have agreed to read a poem that a friend sent me the other day and that I have found somewhat comforting.
Has anyone spoken at a funeral before? Do you have any tips? I am worried about being too upset (and scared) to talk.

I'm an introvert, though a good public speaker for the most part. I gave one of the eulogies at my DH's funeral.

Have your speech written out. Rehearse what you want to say beforehand. Will there be a lectern you can rest your notes on? - this helps as it means you don't have to fumble with bits of paper.

Look over the heads of the people, to an imaginary spot. Address the spot; it will look to them as if you're are looking at them. Ensure there's a glass of water nearby. It makes a break for nerves.

Speak more slowly than usual. Don't worry if you cry, everyone will be encouraging you and feeling for you.

All the best, Oysterbabe, and sorry for your loss.

No but son gave the eulogy at my mums and then my dads funerals. He was only 17 at the first and so determined to do it. The vicar said write it all out and I'll stand by you and just give me a nudge if you want me to take over. This wasn't needed of course but was a kind support, ask them to be there when you read.

Take your time and read it to a spot on the back wall or someone special and supportive to you. Read slowly. Breathe between lines and don't worry about the tears.

Much hugs

I spoke at my darling sons funeral, my mother's and my aunts.

I faced the coffins and spoke to them as if they were here and I wanted to tell them how much I loved them.

It doesn't matter if you cry, say the words in the way you can. Others at the funeral will be wishing you strength and will understand if you are overcome.

When I felt like wobbling I slowed right down, took a pause, a deep breath, and spoke to them as if it were just me and them.

So sorry OP. Have it written out and practice, as suggested. On another practical note I recommend having the vicar or someone primed to take over if you become too upset and unable to finish the reading.

Both me and my sister read short poems at my mum's funeral I felt like it was the last thing I could do for her.

Dh did say he would take over if we struggled too much.

Hope things go smoothly for you

I really admire your courage in wanting to do this. I know for sure I couldn't.
A couple of alternatives I've seen that work really well -
Ask the vicar to read out something you've written or
Write some thoughts and memories to have printed on the order of service. It's personal without being harrowing.
Don't forget everyone will understand if you can't do it. Be kind to yourself.

So sorry for your loss

My DH wrote some words for his father's funeral but he asked the vicar to read them out. He just didn't feel strong enough to stand up and do it himself. I'm not sure i would be able to at my DPs funerals either.

Thanks everyone.
I think it would really mean a lot to my dad so I really want to overcome the nerves and do a it.
I've printed out the poem and will spend some time practicing, probably to my toddler first then DH.

I spoke at my Dads funeral earlier this year, i wrote a poem for him. I read and practiced it a lot before the service, I had someone ready to take over if I couldn't do it, and I didn't look at anyone in the eyes. For some reason, which took me by surprise, I got a round of applause 😮

Good luck OP, it's a tough job but worth it!

I officate at many funerals, and if someone in the family would like to speak or read something I encourage them, though I would never push them against their better judgement. As others have said everyone is on your side and knows that you are nervous. If it is a bit tearful no one will mind. Give a copy of what you want to say or read to the minister/celebrant and ask if they will take over if you really can't go on. I always make this offer and I've never had to take over yet, and I have taken dozens of funerals.