My brother passed away from terminal cancer a week ago - he was only 34. If this wasn't awful enough, I got told by my employer that they didn't need my services any more (I'm a freelancer) and I had an ectopic pregnancy in March after 6 years of really wanting a sibling for my DD.
I am sick of getting through all of the crap in my life - ever since I moved house three years ago to start a better life, it's done the complete opposite. After battling through a head injury, breakdown, concussion and drug induced movement disorder, I feel like I'm never getting any bloody respite.
I just want someone to take it all away and say I'll be happy again. Deep down, in my heart, I am broken. Broken because of fighting all the pain constantly... fighting the losses of things I love and want the most and not knowing how to carry on without feeling really sad.
My dad was being v honest with me last night when he was chatting about my poor DB and saying he was a really horrid person, very strange, and never showed any gratitude etc - all true but it was so sad to hear. I am heartbroken by my brother's passing away and was in pieces looking at some of his possessions this morning.
My life seems to be ok from the outside and I do have a lot to be grateful for - good home, beautiful daughter and supportive loving family and friends - but inside I am so so tired of having such a tough time emotionally. Words can't express the depth of my pain, I was crying so much last night that it hurt me physically.
I just want to go to sleep and wake up to something better.