In law anger

[jbee1979]

I lost my mum in December and I am furious with my in-laws. Not one of them made it to the funeral. My DH missed half of it, wrestling our toddler. I had to do my reading with her on my hip (although it was a comfort to have her there). MIL sent a card. I saw her on Christmas day for an hour, then I made the journey to her house a fortnight ago, to show my face. The standoff of embarrassment can't go on indefinitely. I'm going to be stuck with my SIL for 24 hours from 2pm onwards, and I need hands to hold to keep a lid on it. She didn't send a card even, and the last I heard from her was a text about an hour after mum died, 8 months ago. All communication is though DH and we've been summoned to visit and let the "cousins" play. It's making me feel so ill. I mean nothing to them. I thought they were my family. I'm just my daughter's mother, my husband's wife, now I have to smile and play happy families. Help me not blow up like an embarrassing volcano.

I have dropped everything for their dramas in the past, but they couldn't spare an hour to pay their respects to my mum, or take a bit of pressure off DH and I, when I was utterly heart broken and struggling.

Don't feel you should play happy families when it's not even about caring to see your DH, much less you (as you now know). Seems mainly to be a case of 'SIL would like her DC's cousin wheeled out for the day so that she can tick the 'DC connecting with their cousins' box.

Let your voice be heard in your own family. Your DH sounds great. Go to a different beach

No advice I'm afraid as I am going through a very similar situation. I also lost my mum middle of December, and her funeral was in the week before Christmas. None of my in laws came to the funeral, have never gave a reason. They sent a card to my dad but has not me and has not once offered their condolences, not even through DH. My parents and in laws have spent time together, we have two children, so it's not like they don't know/see each other.
I haven't heard from or seen my in laws since before my mum passed away, if it was up to me I would now keep it that way, they obviously don't care about me, and like you said just feel like I'm their sons wife, the kids mum, not a daughter in law. Unfortunately as we have the children I know I am going to have to see them in the very near future, for the kids birthdays and I'm due our third DC any day.
I want to say something to DH about it all but I know him, he'll get all defensive and stick up for his mum, when everyone I have spoken to about it think it's absolutely disgusting behaviour.

I found that when i lost my dad i developed a very high degree of not giving a flying fuck about people who didnt care about me.
Just dont bother seriously.

Jaybee, sincere condolences on the loss of your mother, it's clear from reading this that you loved her very much. Also condolences to those who have been through similar. I'm so sorry that you have been through such a sad time unsupported by the in laws.x

I'm, sadly, not surprised, however.
There are a lot of unfeeling people about, and we have in laws similar, on both sides.

DH and myself are not in good health and we had a discussion last week that: the one of us is left standing gets to give a big" feck off" with bells on...to any of the outlaws who try to turn up at either of our funerals.

Having said that, even if they could not make your Mums funeral, flowers, cards and a bit of love and hugs would have been welcomed I'm sure. Cold fish they are, they don't deserve lovely you and your family. Big hug from me xxx

Thanks everyone, I'm surprised the thread is still going, but I'm grateful know I'm not alone. Oh my word, Kookie, it's like we're the same person! Lol except I'm one with one, I'd love 3! It's my birthday soon, I wonder will that prompt anything? I'll not get my hopes up. We didn't end up going, we had an overtired crazy little one, who put the foot down and said 'No'. I'm not usually the one to give onto toddler-logic, and I don't know if she was feeding of mine/DHs feelings, but considering we didn't want to go, there was no incentive to man-handle her out the door. Now we're Gentle Parenting idiots who gave into a child, but I don't care. I was damned either way, and it's so much more comfortable in the comfort of my own home! Lol:-)